((Lola)) I may be way off base here but the thought that flooded into my mind as I was reading this is that... Do you know that your T can care and support you without it being sexual- that you are worthy and deserving of help and care even without sex? I just had this image of someone in desperate pain who feels that they need to gratify or somehow "earn" T's help in this way. Sorry, I am probably off base and mixing up my own stuff into this. Please know that I do care and just worry about you.