Couch 51 - They also serve

I am just trying to understand here - you are a lesbian, in a new job, breaking up with your partner, and moving but you wanted to talk about having sex with him to him? Did you try to explain you were trying to explore why you were having such feelings or were you trying to talk to him about getting him to go to bed with you? Did he perhaps think the sex with him was not really the most useful focus of your appointment? Did he explain why you could not talk about what you wanted to? I am a bit baffled about why you wanted to talk about having sex with him - what would the point of that have been with a therapist when you have all this other stuff going on?
Not that you have to answer me, just I truly do not understand (there are numerous things all over I do not understand - I am not saying I have to understand this either - just worried about you and wish you could/would get help)

both I explained the curiosity and desire... want to know why... he's not wanting to talk about it... i contact old T, the one who hates me... i need someone, maybe she will guilt me into submission

or call police, whatever...lol

((Lola)) I may be way off base here but the thought that flooded into my mind as I was reading this is that... Do you know that your T can care and support you without it being sexual- that you are worthy and deserving of help and care even without sex? I just had this image of someone in desperate pain who feels that they need to gratify or somehow "earn" T's help in this way. Sorry, I am probably off base and mixing up my own stuff into this. Please know that I do care and just worry about you.

Correct Sex and Love to me have always been the same... If you love them you please them. I've know about sex with men since I can remember. Age 5 I knew my duty.... i thought maybe sleeping with me would help me to realize boys are human and boys are easier to get then woman... as woman are usually in a relationship and Bi if I like em... i like a fem woman...taking apps..shoot me a pic... will travel

Carmel pudding shots save the night

He did say my urge to have sex with him was more about how I see myself and not about how he felt about me... and I need to see that

((Lola)) Ugh. Self-Destruct. I don't get why the hell you wanted to talk about sex with him...but: Of course you want sex with him, it's NOT him, you are scared and want something to grab hold of. I get it. But this sh it is going to get you in deeper girlfriend. You know that. Why would you try to make therapy about him instead of about you? He was trying to make you zone into the issues...but whatevs. He wasn't exactly all in the last time you were in crisis either. Can you see that you need help? WTF is xt going to do? She already proved herself unworthy. YOU are worthy girlfriend. You deserve the BEST. YOU deserve to be HELPED.

I wish I could come out there and hang with you tonight.

holy shi t....they make shots out of caramel? OMG

Tell me where and Ill fly in til Sunday or Monday morning... any takers for a weekend visitor....

$1000 to the first person at my door with said pudding shots.
(and they need to be vegan)
((good luck finding me))
my name is,
my name is,
my name is,
slim shady

I can get a hotel... also anyone who is willing to help me detox, by drinking beer and hanging out... let me know...

((lola)) I have MIL for another week.
Listen, there are a million t's. A million. You can find one that works. You don't have to sleep with them. Needing support and wanting sex go hand in hand. It feels the same...I know, I get it. Sometimes I wanted my father just because it was better than no love at all. Ack. Can't write it here..... Just know I get the confusion.

BUT...I can also tell you POSITIVELY without doubt that a good relationship is possible.

That doesn't sound like detoxing....

Really Lola. Please take care of yourself. You have value as a unique wonderful human being who deserves love and care, without having to earn it by doing your "duty". As frustrating as you found T's refusal to engage with you in that way, it was really the right thing to do and a way of showing you that you have value outside of needing to satisfy anothers sexual needs.

I get all that.... and I was thinking maybe if a man that I trusted and spoke truth too could make love to me in an intimate way and make me orgasm and do it out of mutual love and respect , earned and learned ,maybe I could change... life may be easier that way.

What are you detoxing from?

I need human contact... i crave and yearn for it...

Change what? Your sexuality? Girlfriend??
Can a black person be white? (Michael Jackson excluded)
Can a jew be an arab?
Can an irish girl be native american?
Can a tall woman become short?
You are who you are. I get that it's hard, but Lesbians can have good solid long term relationships...IF they are healthy. You NEED to get healthy. You don't need someone to swoop in and love you, you need to LOVE YOURSELF. It PISSES me the EF off that those stupid boys and your stupid effing parents did not SHOW you how incredible you are.

Everyone needs human contact of some sort or another, I suspect. Even I do. But going about it like this is not a constructive way of getting it.
The stance that you crave it does not mean you have to have sex. It is like any other craving, you don't have to give in when it is not good for you to do so.

if i say i am am afraid you would stroke out as would a few others... its legal but i have been in my garage for like 9 days...hi, fake weed, .... sitting... online... with an occasional visitor...sleep for like 2 hours... then up, smoke em if you got em....

anyone interested in this crap can PM me... I hate that I have been a selfish B it c h and taken taken taken from the boards and not given back.. so tell me to get F'ed if you like...

Smoking fake week is not the world's biggest deal. I don't know why bother with fake stuff, but you did it and now move on. You are acting out here. It is not going to get you the connection you want. You actually can choose to just stop running from the feelings and allow someone like a therapist to help you.

Do you mean change as in orientation?
As hard and painful as this whole thing is I don't think that things will be any easier if you choose to be with a man instead of a woman. I really think that some time outside of a relationship might be good for you. Maybe try to learn to just be comfortable and become familiar with yourself. You might find that you actually come to like yourself and then with some time you might find a safer more mutual and healthy relationship. I hope I'm not overstepping and believe me I know it sucks!

Maybe loving yourself, and feeling like you are deserving of a respectful loving relationship (without sex!) would be the easier way.

My home is always open to those who need it but it sounds like you need to love yourself more than you need to run away.

breathe...

I honestly don't think any less of you Lola girl. I think SD is right though, at least smoke organic and natural.

You can stop this crazy ride if you want. You don't have to go out this way.

i cant I get drug tested