I would seek some help in how to establish relationships. I don't mean to be cruel or anything, but someone sondetermined to have sex, even to the degree that they would consider ending thier life is in need of help. I think if you got to talk things out with someone you may get some feedback that is helpful.

I don't know you that well, but I think sex is just masking another basic need, and that is the need to feel loved, cared about and feeling like you are accepted. To have meaningful relationships that bring purpose to your life. I can imagine the emotional burden that would place on a person, and I too would question if life has any meaning.

Speaking from personal experience, I never learned the skills as a child that I need to be able to make connections with people. Neglect/family issues that I don't need to go into. But my point is sometimes we never learned how to do some of life's simpliest things like make a connction with someone and develop a relationship. I struggled for a long time, as a young child to being shy and withdrawn, to a depressed teen that could barely cope. Eventually things got so bad I had to make improvements in my life. To take care of basic needs and develop a group of people that brought a sense of belonging. I'm not happy and estatic with life, but I am able to have some hope, worked on myself to be able to learn the skills I was never taught.

My advice is to try and build some self confidence. People general like people who are sure of what they want and achieve thier goals. Presenting yourself in a very pessimistic or constant self doubt, or putting yourself down is a turn off for a lot of people. Try to curb this feelings to just thoughts and not say things that make it seem like you aren't good enough or that they shouldn't care.

Figure out what you want from a relationship? Is it sex, love, a child, someone be there, a trophy wife. People get into relationships for a lot of reasons. Being unsure what you want can send of message of not being interest or the other person gets a vibe of they just aren't into me and gives up. Sometimes it is ok to be selfish and want things, like sex. You can ask for it, and all she can do is say No. When I say ask, I mean tell her what you want, not "can we have sex?". Not demanding, just tell her how you feel and what you would like.

If it is just sex you are after then there are ways to get that. For better or worse, there are women that will exchange sex for money. If it is just the act you are after that is a sure way to get it. I get the feeling that it is not sex, but the lack of a meaningful relationship that is causing you heart ache. I wish luck and hope you find a way to address this issue.