I couldn't tell you why I started. I used to heat large nail heads red hot and hold them against my skin to see how long I could put up with it. At the time, it didn't seem like SI. It was more of a challenge to see how much pain I could take. At 12, I really didn't think about they whys or questions where the urge came from.

Don't be too harsh with yourself when you have strong urges. SI is an addiction, and most people getting over an addiction think about what they are quitting quite a lot. Cigarette smokers who just quite spend a lot of time thinking about smoking and having to fight not to do it. The same with alcoholic and drug addictions. It takes over your life.

I stopped two years ago after almost four decades of cutting, and I still have the urges. As time has gone on, they have become less and less powerful. That being said, in times of high stress, I start to gravitate towards sharp objects. I keep from doing it again, because I know that it won't be "just one more time". Were I to do it once, I wouldn't be able to stop. I don't want to be a slave to an addiction again. You can stay clean. When the urges come and you are looking at blades, remember how much better your feeling of control is than when you are cutting.

Sam2