Rain,
sometimes the things that bother us most, or small things we seem to forget have a way of building up over time. Eventually, something gives and you lose all your self control. There was probably a trigger in there somewhere, but it may have flashed by so quickly that you can't recall it.

Those sudden outcroppings of violence are very difficult to avoid. You don't feel them coming, and many times they happen when everything seems to be stable. When they do happen, if something sharp is around, the interval between the outburst and injury is over in a matter of seconds. They leave you wondering why it happened and where it came from. Usually you never find out. It seems to be part of the disease though. If you want to call it a disease. I know its happened to me many times and afterwards I had trouble recalling the harming incident let alone the reason for doing it. I wish I could tell you how to avoid the episodes, but I don't have any answers there.

Just realize that you aren't alone in that sort of behavior. It doesn't mean that you went back to square one. It just means you made a mistake. Don't let one mistake overshadow progress you have made in your life. Its just not worth it.

Sam2