Thank you Roadie for starting a new one. 's

Things in Beauflow world has been a little heavy.
I guess My dad wants to see some of us one last time; and since I am the only one in the "family" that talks to one brother, I felt as if I had no right to deny him the chance to see our dad for one last time.

There is a lot of things with this, that is a very short summery of it all. My one sister has already crossed boundaries with giving out my personal information to family that I do not want to have it. I did have a slip up last week with anxiety and fear.

On top of it all, life goes on and at work has been stressful and will be for a bit to come. Big changes are happening, which is ok but it is done in a chaotic fashion, which is stressful for me. However i have indulged the change more, or in away embraced it- and it has been a "good distraction" in away.

I have been good with not escaping through alcohol or drugs. Friday I wanted to so badly get a bottle after work, but I came home...
I have been watching a TV Show that is on my account that just runs continuously with no commercials. (Too Cute). I have been really trying to remind myself of self care, taking breaks (i.e. decompressing with nature or pictures), and taking one day at a time. I have gotten my teas, and down loaded an app that has sounds that I can make or already made for calming self at times. One i like, i have hummed it a few times just on my own when i start to get a little stressed

I talked with my s/o about the urges that have been, and he has reminded me as I do with myself. The escaping through the alcohol or drugs will do no good, it wont relax me, and it wont make things better.

I may be checking in as time passes more, if that is ok..

The last time I had contact with my Dad and another brother (that will happen this time too)--- I went back to drinking for escaping, then realized what I was doing and went to therapy.

The last time I didn't talk to many about things, I am trying to learn from that; and maybe if I talk more this time, I can make a different change this time around.
Though my s/o is stressed with his own things right now, he has been a good ear to lend to me when he can..... I know at times he is not always there- and that is where PC helps me out a lot because there are others that are similar to me, with struggles but are supportive.

sorry this is long.

I hope all are doing well, that we take life as a lesson and learn and grow as it continues.

Many hugs and well thoughts to everyone 's