yes i see a lot of people together and it makes me sad (i am happy for other people but it makes me sad about myself)
because i dont have anyone to share any moments with

and i was kinda conflicted today because of this reason, because i thought it'd be meaningless to try to do something myself, i tell myself that i shouldnt do anything now, that i should wait until i have a friend or boyfriend to share the time with. but then i know that i would have to give up some enjoyment that i could have had myself, but thats ok because it'd be meaningless without someone else.

but there was also a part of me that really wanted to do something today for myself today. i regret now kinda wasting the day. after the day already passed, i thought that i should have worn my blue shirt and gone outside, paint my nails in red and blue, go to the marina, at least do something.
but i wasted the day away and i did nothing.

i dont know what happened, i woke up at noon, then i wasted hours online, and before i knew it it was about 8 pm, and i went to dinner by myself, then before i knew it the fireworks were over and i had just sat thorugh it in my room the whole time

i want to lie about what i did, if someone asks me (not that anyone really cares what i did, if someone asks me its just an acquaintance), and ill say that i was tired and not feeling well (which is actually kind of true) or that i went to the marina to see fireworks and shop, even though its a complete lie.