Now I know how Russel T Davies felt when he wrote something to the effect that you say/write things at night that you would never do in the clear light of day...
I wrote this stuff last night, and I feel really awkward about it now...but, still, it's done, and I think it's good that it's done, and I'm still glad I did it. I'm just glad this place is anonymous. I hope that doesn't sound ungrateful. Of course I'm glad a few people read it and replied. Thanks. I just mean I wrote a lot of personal stuff here, and it feels like I bore it all to you, as they say. Still, thanks for reading and replying.
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Originally Posted by Eevvee
So you know that you are depressed, that is a step in the right direction- to realize that. But understand, the more you dwell on that, the more you tell yourself "I'm depressed" the more depressed you will be, and it will be a vicious cycle. You are keeping your mind in a dark place and feeding it.
Try telling yourself things like "I'm going to make sure that today is a good day." Or "I feel as though I am getting better." You sound like you are new to depression, don't let it take over you life. The most important thing that I have ever learned is that the only person who can cure your depression is you. Medicine may be necessary sometimes. But it does not allow you to learn how to pull yourself out of depression, it simply numbs you so that you do not feel it.
My advice to you is to try to fake being happy. It sounds awful and it will feel very odd and fake, of course. But after a while, it won't be faking it anymore. Of course, write down your feelings or get out whatever is bringing you down, but when you are around people, put on a smile, laugh, crack jokes, and make yourself happy! Good luck, all the best. *hugs*
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Originally Posted by Eevvee
Also, remember that you are not alone. Suicide might seem appetizing on a bad day... but when you're having a good day, remember that you would not be having that good day if you had succeeded in your attempt. Things will always get better. And perhaps it's not always as simple as "just be happy" but as soon as you are depressed, your own negative thoughts and feelings are your worst enemy. Go out and do something with someone. Being socially awkward is not all bad! I am, and I have some of the most amazing socially awkward friends I could ask for. Try approaching an odd-ball and just be yourself. But whatever you do, don't sit around by yourself for too long, and DON'T overthink things. At least not until you get a more positive mindset!
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Thanks for the advice. I just find it so hard to even pretend to be happy when I'm not...and I have so few opportunities to fake happiness anyway, given that most of my time is spent alone, or in the house with parents. I'll take the advice though, and try my best to go out, and do something. I was also kind of pinning my hopes on achieving that when I go to university I'll be able to make new friends. Hopefully I don't end up failing in that environment too.
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Originally Posted by ajmich
Yeah, for sure you are clinically depressed. Push past your reluctance (or fear, or whatever it is) and tell your doctor, or ANY doctor or mental health professional. There are good people who understand all of what you've described and deal with it and much more every day of their lives. You aren't alone and need not suffer, but ya gotta take that step towards getting help. Sometimes just talking about it with a pro (good counselor, not necessarily a shrink) can help a great deal. You've taken a big step by sharing this very personal stuff here, and that shows you want to change these problems. You're very bright and you must know this stuff can be helped! Give yourself that help because you deserve it. Peace. Alex.
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I've actually seen a councilor before for my OCD. Though it was helpful in some ways, I don't think it's done much good. I think maybe I didn't fully reveal all the things to the councilor, or appreciate much of what he said pertaining to what I did tell him. Thing is, I've gotten worse, socially, since then, and of course the depression has come on since then too, and all the rest of my issues. So I find it even more difficult now to talk to people. I'd have no idea how to approach my doctor and tell them about it. What would I say?
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Originally Posted by herethennow
Hi Scarlioni, welcome to PC!
It seems like you are in so much agony over your IBS. I'm not laughing at you here, it is a valid reason and a valid medical condition that you can't help having.. just like mental illnesses. It's real, and no one wants it.
It seems that the onset of your anxiety is your medical condition. How do you feel when you're in public? Pardon me since I do not know much about IBS.
It's great that you've researched on the symptoms of depression. Most of us started off that way, at least for me. I knew what I was getting into, that this was not something I could control anymore. Have you ever considered forms of help? Have you ever talked to someone you trust?
It appears that you're lost about what to do. That's normal. Initially I too, was lost as to what to do. Have you explored options, like maybe getting books on self help, going to your GP or crisis lines? It's really good though that you've started posting on PC. It shows that you're really trying and that's commendable!
Hang in there! We're all here to help 
htn |
Well, the IBS makes me anxious to go out, at least when it's in a quiet area, in case it flares up. I know that being anxious about it is probably what makes it flare up, but I can't help it. Whenever I'm going out I always feel anxious about what I eat, and I try sometimes not to eat in case it starts something...so it affects me in a pretty big way. I probably exaggerate it in my head compared to what will actually happen, if anything, due to my anxiety. I've seen my doctor about this though (somehow it's easier to talk about physical illnesses rather than mental ones) and I'm just starting to try and deal with it. Maybe it will help.
As for getting help, well, as I said I don't know how to approach a doctor about it, or anyone for that matter...I don't really have many friends, and my best friend is someone I haven't spoken to in a while (I also read that may be a symptom of depression, withdrawing from friends) and, to be honest, I'd feel awkward even then. I've sort of spoken about it to someone on Facebook though.
I'm not sure of what actions to take, for all the reasons I've said. But I'll take on board the advice you've all given me.
Thanks