I feel that way too about my T. I was in a really bad place at the very beginning and I was almost obsessive about my thoughts of T. Feeling completely lost in between sessions. As I grew I outgrew those feelings. Most of the time I feel like an adult when it comes to T. I see her by happenstance in spin as we are signed up for the same class. We chat on occasion in class but it's not like I'm talking to T the therapist. I'm talking to T the real person when she isn't working but she does notice things in class about my reactions to other people and we talk about it in therapy so it is a benefit. Now that I'm over a really dark chapter and feeling better overall (even though I'm in a bad moment/day today) I think ahead and start to feel worse. The feelings of missing her with not wanting to miss her with feeling abandoned and ashamed - an all too familiar feeling from my childhood. I know it's my child part that's feeling this but it's embarrassing as hell. I want to tell my T that I wish we could be friends outside of therapy and I want her to say "yes we can be friends after you terminate therapy for a couple years". I know however in reality that we can't be friends. She wouldn't allow that no matter how much we have in common. Sigh.