Hello, i am really confused about this situation and would really appreciate any opinion.

I have a boyfriend, or better had? i dont know if we are together anymore and i dont know what to do about my feelings.

we've been dating for 9 months, but became intimate only in the last month. he is a good guy, has said and done all the right things, been kind and patient with me and tried to respect my pace, but im not in love with him, dont even like him, and never feel like seeing him because we cant communicate and i even hate his kisses.

BUT we've been both alone for a long time and since we're kind of similar in thinking and lifestyle we both thought it could work out between us. only that recently i find myself more and more aware that i am more annoyed with him than happy to see him.

but as soon as i decide (by myself - in my head) that its over i am overwhelmed with sadness and hopelessness and feel the need to text him (not see him) to know he's still there and we still have some kind of connection or hope.

we already have kind of talked about our issues and expectations but didnt come up with a solution or decision, we just kept dating hoping things would change. and they didnt.

i am confused by my own feelings and reactions to them. on one hand i never feel like seeing him, but on the other hand i miss him when i dont, even though i would prefer writing texts/email to seeing him in person - while he doesnt. AND, on one hand i think we should talk, but on the other hand i already know it would be useless.
maybe we should just be friends but i dont know if its an option... or what i really want.

please, i would really appreciate any thought on this. i am really confused and dont know what to think/feel/do. any input is welcomed. thanks