Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
^This. You don't know this. I know you can't know this because I felt the same and I was so wrong. The basic daily happiness I feel today was absolutely unimaginable to me in the past. I had no template for happiness in my life, no experience of it, it was a complete unknown. And yet, it exists for me now.
Been right there, in that moment. I wasn't afraid to tell my T, but I didn't want to because I knew it would hurt him and I didn't want him to be disappointed in me. What I didn't expect, and what so surprised me, was the respect for me he felt because I told him. He said I had given him a great gift by telling him. And it deepened our relationship.
And it was a relief to have him know. Your T can't help you with these thoughts unless you tell her.
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Yeah you're right. I don't know that it will always be better. I should hang on because it really might get better. It also might not. But I won't know unless I wait it out. I'm not planning on doing anything immediately, I just want to make that clear. I've committed to my seeing my life through until at least 25 or something. The thing is that I don't actually want to die. I just can't see another way of escaping at this point and I don't want to live like this.
I feel like not telling her about this isn't an option. I know it's really important to tell her and I'll probably just end up giving her a letter because I don't know if I can talk about this out loud.