Thank you. I know she was just a guinea pig, but she really was special to me. I got her when I was 13 so she lived a very full and happy life, but she would sit on my shoulder and give me kisses when I was sad.

Thanks for the hug. Yeah, she mocks me about most everything in my life. She mocks suicidal people in general and once literally told me that if I was planning on committing suicide, I should go talk to her instead of telling a doctor (weird to say that because she actually is a doctor, just not a mental health doctor) because they will ruin my life and judge me. She won't ever see a therapist because she doesn't believe in psychology and believes she is all knowing anyway. She's a complete lost cause.

My dad literally ignores me despite having lived in the same house for 18 years. He never calls me when I'm at school, never emails me, never texts me, nothing. He has a relationship with my younger siblings but for whatever reason he doesn't care about me as much. And while he did not contribute to the PA I endured quite as much as my mom did, he did do a little and he stood by her side, letting her do it. He never protected me when my mom was shouting vile things at me and severely psychologically abusing me. He never stood up for me, never demanded that she treat me right, all he ever did was care about his marriage more than he cared about his own daughter. I have no interest in building a relationship with a man like that. The only thing he ever taught me is that if I decide to have kids someday (*shudders*), I want a man that will love our children far more than he could ever love me. I want a guy who would sooner abandon me or put me in the hospital if necessary than let me psychologically sabotage our kids forever.