Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam2
HI. i could just pat you on the back and tell you things would be fine, but I think what you need is some real answers.
If you base your relationships on wanting to be taken care of, then the relationship will be based on dependency and eventually will end. Even if it didn't, it would not be good for you. If the other person wanted to break up or if you wound up getting married and he died first, then you would be completely lost.
Before you get into a relationship, you need to get yourself straightened out. Unless you can be confident, have self esteem and the ability to handle life on your own, it will come between you and anyone you date eventually.
I do understand the feeling of wanting someone special in your life. A spouse or partner that will always be there. Ask yourself, could you be there for them if something major happened to them and you became the caretaker? Not just a week long bug, but a life long disabilty. Anything can happen, and unless you would be able to turn the table, you aren't ready.
I was married for seven years and had a toddler when I got a divorce. To shorten things, I'll just say that she was emotionally abusive. That was fifteen years ago and I still have not started dating again. Why? Because i still have my own baggage that needs to be dealt with or I won't be any good to anyone else. I'm not suggesting you need to wait that long. I just chose not to go into therapy and couldn't afford it anyway. The point is though, you need to get to the point where you can give as much as you take. "parent/child" relationships between adults rarely work. You need to find someone who can help you solve your own issues and then you will be more confident in finding a partner who will treat you well and stay with you.
Sam2
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You've misunderstood. I wasn't talking about getting taken care of or any parent/child dynamic other than the adult/child dynamic within myself. And i think mental emotional health is on a continuum. So waiting til self esteem and confidence are at a certain level is possibly either self-punishment or avoiding avoiding the work inherent in primary relationships. Relationships are key to inner development. It's easy being single. The tough work happens while in relationship. A balance in everything. If YOU believe that YOU need more time alone then YOU go ahead. I could make my own conclusions about what is going on with you but I won't
And saying this is inappropriate and not helpful.
"Before you get into a relationship, you need to get yourself straightened out. Unless you can be confident, have self esteem and the ability to handle life on your own, it will come between you and anyone you date eventually."
You don't know me and certainly not from a post here and there. You make assumptions and jump to conclusions.