Thanks for that Big Mama. I can't blame my child for any of this. They will not know much of it or even understand it until much later. For them they will be figuring out the world. For me, I came to the realization that I need to address things within myself and I have a ticking clock to do so. While everyone has problems and their own struggles, I feel like depression is a lot for a child to deal with. Something they would not understand for a while and may cause a lot of issues for them trying to figure why daddy isn't happy or has no interest in anything. I can see in a child's mind how they may blame themselves or not have a proper emotional development were I not to address these issues enough so they don't impact my life as much as they do right now. While I can act ok and most people don't pick up on it, I think a child does. Adults tend to drop things after they ask if everything is ok, for the reason they believe you, don't care or are oblivious anything could be wrong other than daily stress. I think kids observe things differently and pick up on the more subtle communications that we tend to not think about. Posture, tone of voice, interaction and interest, etc.

I talk to my T next week. I talked to her a few days after I found out. Then I was in shock a little, overwhelmed, happy, unsure. A mix of things. Afterwards my mood started to plummet. I have been really low the last few weeks. Trying to bring myself up, but it feels like a roll of the dice on how I will feel from day to day. Depressed, numb, ok, or afraid seem to be equal possibilities.