Hey I'm an 18 year old girl in Australia and I'm all over the place, I'm so upset all the time, I recently started cutting and burning myself to relieve some emotional tension and I fear I'm now addicted to it, I feel so alone in the world, my mum and grandma who I lived with for my whole life have bought me up to hate myself with put downs, hitting, saying things like I wasn't suppose to be born im fat ugly etc (they both have bipolar and my mum in top of it has OCD and schitozophhrinia but is now recently on the meds again) and my father left when I was 4, I've never really gotten the proper upbringing and because of it I'm living in a youth housing program to help troubled teens and I have social anxiety, self appearance issues, depression, bulimia, self harming and an addiction to weight loss tablets which I know is bad for me but I have an anxiety of being over 53 kilos oh and not to mention my attachment issues to a boy I like that shows me affection, such as my ex.. I can't get over him, it's been 8 months since the break up and he's moved in with another girl whilst I'm here just replaying everything good and bad in our whole relationship, everyday since. I've tried moving on do many times and I know its cliche to say this but I feel as if he was one of the rare ones that understood me accepted me for who I am dealt with all my emotional mental issues and was also my best friend.. The chemistry between us was amazing and I ruined it, I was horrible to him and took him for granted until he had enough.. He did do bad things too but he'd always try and make up.. I'm just a stubborn worthless mole argh I hate thinking about it
Everyday is a struggle and I stay in the house most of the time crying and cutting unless my case worker has organized me an appointment.. I keep trying and failing all the time.. My friends hardly even see me anymore,. I'm so lonely.. What should I do.. Please help me?