My life is a mess revolving around my ex who moved on 8 months ago and other dr

Hey I'm an 18 year old girl in Australia and I'm all over the place, I'm so upset all the time, I recently started cutting and burning myself to relieve some emotional tension and I fear I'm now addicted to it, I feel so alone in the world, my mum and grandma who I lived with for my whole life have bought me up to hate myself with put downs, hitting, saying things like I wasn't suppose to be born im fat ugly etc (they both have bipolar and my mum in top of it has OCD and schitozophhrinia but is now recently on the meds again) and my father left when I was 4, I've never really gotten the proper upbringing and because of it I'm living in a youth housing program to help troubled teens and I have social anxiety, self appearance issues, depression, bulimia, self harming and an addiction to weight loss tablets which I know is bad for me but I have an anxiety of being over 53 kilos oh and not to mention my attachment issues to a boy I like that shows me affection, such as my ex.. I can't get over him, it's been 8 months since the break up and he's moved in with another girl whilst I'm here just replaying everything good and bad in our whole relationship, everyday since. I've tried moving on do many times and I know its cliche to say this but I feel as if he was one of the rare ones that understood me accepted me for who I am dealt with all my emotional mental issues and was also my best friend.. The chemistry between us was amazing and I ruined it, I was horrible to him and took him for granted until he had enough.. He did do bad things too but he'd always try and make up.. I'm just a stubborn worthless mole argh I hate thinking about it
Everyday is a struggle and I stay in the house most of the time crying and cutting unless my case worker has organized me an appointment.. I keep trying and failing all the time.. My friends hardly even see me anymore,. I'm so lonely.. What should I do.. Please help me?

Hi Seattle. I'm truly sorry that your life is such hell right now. At the risk of sounding like a shrink, which I'm not, lets go through each problem one at a time.

You have already picked up on the fact that self harm is addictive. Not only is it addictive, but often escalates into some very dangerous cuts. I hope you have your own counsellor in the home you are at. You will need help to find a better way to cope with your stress.

Don't believe what your mother and grandma said about you. People with bipolar and schizophrenia often do or say things that they have little control over. It is a symptom of a disease just as self harm is a symptom of yours. That doesn't mean it was right or that you don't have the right to be angry about it. Sometimes understanding helps.

Your Bulimia is more dangerous than you might think. Everytime you purge, your teeth are washed in hydrochloric acid from your stomach. Even if you brush or rinse afterwards, they still have had contact with it. Messing up your electrolytes is also a life threatening problem of bulimia. Most bulimics hold their weight or perhaps a little lower, so people don't suspect. When you purge, you are also getting rid of the electrolytes that your body needs at the cellular level. Electrolyte embalances can cause you to see stars after purging, feel weak, or go into cardiac arrest. You may not get a warning before the cardiac arrest. Like self harm, bulimia is addicting. After a while, its all that you think about. How to get food, which foods come up more easily, making sure that your weight before the binge and after the purge is the same. After a while, it takes over your life and is all you think about. The problem with eating disorders is that unlike a drug addiction, you can't just stop eating. If you are getting off a drug, you can never touch it again. If you are trying to get off of bulimia, you still have to deal with it all the time.

losing friends with any kind of emotional illness is common. They don't know how to react to it, what they can and can't say, and after a while, just want to get on with their own lives. You might say that its the time you find out who your real friends are. I've been battling depression and self harm since I was ten. I'm fifty now. I have one real friend. Don't think that you will have to suffer for the rest of your life. I just chose not to go into therapy again after some really bad experiences with both shrinks and their medications. Perhaps if my first of second one had been decent, I wouldn't still be struggling.

I know you are suffering over losing your boyfriend. At the risk of sounding cold, you aren't in a position to really be in a serious relationship. You have to give and take as well as be willing to accept each other wholly. Right now, the most important thing you can do is work on getting back on your feet. Once your self esteem is back, then a relationship will have a better chance. This may sound sexist, and probably is, but guys seem less able to cope with their girlfriend or spouses chronic problems than women are. I guess I can say that since I'm a guy. You need to find a way to get this guy out of your mind. I've never had to live in a home, so I can't imagine what you are going through. Find a goal, something that you have always wanted or a career that you always wanted to go into, and start working towards it. That is what I did. After years of hearing, "oh your grades aren't high enough", or you won't get in", I finally made it through veterinary school. It was a long eight years and not easy, but i wanted to accomplish that one thing. Something that I had wanted to do since i was five.

Are you allowed to keep small pets in the house? I say this because when you have a creature who relies on you, loves you unconditionally and gives you a friend, it can really help. Even if it is just a guinea pig. Studies have shown that interaction with pets lowers bloodpressure, helps bring people out of their shells. If you aren't an animal person, disregard that idea.

Don't give up. No matter how bad things seem there is a way out. YOu jsut have to find it. If you only have a once a week appointment with your councellor, its probably not enough. Especially if you are in danger of eamaging yourself. Usually a person who works in religon can and will come in no matter what religion you are. They will listen to what you say and might really be helpful.

Keep fighting.

Sam2

It's not easy to get over a relationship. You go through all the stages of grief and still you hurt. In my experience only time really helps. That and making new, better memories. It's true that you need not take seriously what your mentally ill relatives say. Try to remember when that voice in your head says ugly things that it is the voice of your mentally ill mother, not the truth. You've never been given any healthy patterns to live your life by. You need direction and training to be able to function effectively in the world. If you can't get someone you know or your counselor to coach you then go online and start reading all the self help articles you can manage. If you can learn how to approach people properly and gain some friendships it will help fill the void left by your bf. PC is another place you come to for support and friendship. People here know how you feel and are almost always kind. there are social clubs for almost all interests and you can start one of your own if you want to.
Please consider getting a little training towards a trade or college. Being financially independent will make you feel more powerful. Go to you local college and see what is possible for you. If there is some short term training available with real job potential that would be ideal.
Maybe you could do some volunteer work. That always gives one a sense of worth. It's the best thing to help self esteem.
Pet would be wonderful like Sam2 says. Budgies are also great pets.
I hope you find some answers

Thank you both for putting in the effort, it means so much to me, really <3 I just have to use self motivation will power and push through.. It's going to be hard but I'll try
I would love to get another pet bunny but they don't allow them here