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Originally Posted by sadp8r
But it confuses me...I was abused several ways and know the pain and scars it brings and I would never want to go through that again and would never inflict that pain on others espcially women...except I would to those men who abuse women.....
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I think abuse makes people do one of two things. They either release it is wrong and fight back or run away, the natural fight or flight response takes over. The second thing is they break down emotionally and feel like they deserve it. They feel like being abused and controlled is what love and caring feels like. It is really hard for to break that cycle and try to have a better life. They get stuck in a mindset that they have to stay because they can handle things on their own.
People that are completly submissive find it much easier to take orders than to take control. Being abused as a child can stunt a person's emmotional development, so they aren't emotionally mature enough to make reasonible decision. I think that is why people stay with abusive people for so long. They have to reach a breaking point before they get out of it.
These women who left you to go be with asshats shouldnt be worth your time. You can only be you. If they can't appreciate the tenderness and love you provided them, then it is wasted effort trying to make it work. It sounds like they need some counseling to deal with their own issues.
Try to keep your head up. I have faith that you will find a person that you will mean the world to. Think of it this way, you only have to find that one person, and it isn't like there is just one either. There are probable hundreds of women that live near you that you could start and developing a meaningful and lasting relationship with.
Maybe talking to a therapist could help you. It may give you some insight as to when thing in your relationships when sour. What events led up to the other losing interest and going away. It may have been all their fault or maybe you did something without realizing it.
For example my wife sabotages herself a lot. She puts herself in situations where she is set up to lose. She doesn't consciously do it. She sometimes acts impulsively and without thinking of the consequences. Some of her actions almost led us to divorce. She didn't realise what she was doing until things blew up. I mean she had control to make decisions but she didn't think of the consequences of her action until afterwards. Even though she had no means to support herself, I gave her no reason to want to leave, but still she jeopardized her marriage on something that had little benifiet or gain to herself. I don't think she got the gravity of all of it until I was going to move out and I stopped talking to her.
Doing a little bit of therapy can help you understand yourself a little better and maybe stop you from doing things you don't realize you are doing.
It is also possible you did nothing wrong and just got unlucky in a string of girlfriends that were very good.