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#1
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I hate myself for being a pathetic loser....been trying but I've been cutting my arm again to get out this frustration inside!!!
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![]() diminishing soul, Jacki~, MoxieDoxie, Sameer6, ThisWayOut, WorkInProgress16
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#2
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![]() ![]() If I can ask, why do you feel like a loser? Sometimes it can help to talk about it if you are comfortable doing so. |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#3
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#4
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Just because you haven't been very successful with women lately that doesn't make you pathetic. It means that you're either going after the wrong girls or there is something going wrong in your approach. None of that means there is anything pathetic about you.
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![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#5
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#6
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You don't need to be an asshole to attract women. You do, however, need to be confident. We love that in a guy. That's why you see all of those jerks getting girls. They are overly confident. When we say a guy is "too nice", typically that means "too shy" or "too insecure" or "too nervous". Judging just based on the nature of this post, maybe the reason you can't seem to get a girl is because of all of your self hatred. I struggle with self hatred too and I don't think I'd truly be able to have a healthy relationship until I resolve that a little. Women in abusive relationships don't leave him for a variety of reasons. One being that he manipulates her by destroying her self esteem so she feels like she needs him to survive or that she'll never be able to find another man. It's not real love. It's fear and manipulation. Do you really want that? Don't you want a woman that loves you even though she doesn't have to? The way I see it is that if your options are being single or being in an abusive relationship you're better off single. |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#7
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#8
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If you want love and you want a woman who is deserving of your love, be the man you already are. Be a strong, compassionate man who is not afraid of protecting his woman but respects her at the same time. That's what every girl (well at least 90%) is looking for. Maybe they'll mess up and accidentally think an abusive man is what they want because abusive men are often very confident and very charming. But at the end of the day, the qualities you described are the qualities that women want a guy. Women are just crazy. We want all of that, but if a guy approaches us that is soft spoken and eager to please, unless he looks like a young Brad Pitt we friendzone him. I don't understand women. Do you think maybe you're coming off a little desperate? You could just simply be pursuing the wrong type of girl. If all of the women you pursue fall into abusive relationships, you are pursuing girls that aren't looking for a "nice guy". |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#9
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#10
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Abusers do not know love. They sometimes know devotion through fear and manipulation. There are many reasons someone winds up with an abuser, either by mistake or intentionally, but for love isn't one of them. Implying you think being abusive would be a good way to get someone to love you is actually pretty offensive.
Being alone doesn't make you pathetic, but I can understand being lonely. Do you have friends and family you spend time with? Can you crreate other ways to be social in your community and neighborhood? I hear you that its frustrating. There is someone who will appreciate you, and want you to appreciate her. I'm sorry its taking so long to find her. |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#11
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#12
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I'm sorry your family isn't understanding. And I didn't think you were overly negative. It is sad to feel alone. It must hurt to have someone pick a "jerk" over you, but their poor choice only says something bad about them - it doesn't say anything bad about you.
And I don't think its "macho" to take advantage of and/or hurt someone who is physically and/or mentally weaker. I think its macho to be supportive and empowering towards others. And I know there are other people who think so too, even if they seem to be in hiding right now. Stay true to your beliefs and values. The right person will hold the same ideals sacred. In the meantime I hope you can take some comfort from friends, and find as much enjoyment as you can on your own. |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#13
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#14
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Upto 200 pushups ? That is impressive. Is that 200 pushups you do continuously or 100 pushups then a break and then 100 ? I can do only 100 to 110 on average and rarely 125.
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(People are different from each other, no amount of getting after them is going to change them Nor is there any reason to change them, because the differences are probably good. - David keirsey) |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#15
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Trigger Trigger
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Last edited by notz; Aug 02, 2013 at 09:09 AM. Reason: added trigger icon for mention of si methods |
#16
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Don't know the entire circumstances of your situation or relationship but all of the women I have dated wanted to be liked and feel special. Perhaps when they say you are too nice, then mean you don't go for what you want or make them feel special. Backing down from intimacy or not pursuing physical interaction can leave a woman feeling rejected. I'm not telling you to be a sleezy guy or just think about sex, but women want to feel attractive and good about themselves. Being chased and sex can fulfill that need for some women.
Everyone is different and some women look for a certain types of guys. It could be very possible that the girls you have dated just weren't into you. That doesn't mean you are a loser or anything. It just means that the girls you dated didn't work out. Earnest self esteem will never come through the affection of another. No relationship will make you happy. In the beggining you may have butterflies in your stomach and feel amazing, but overtime that will sour if you have other things in your life making you depressed. I found and eventually married someone. Thing were good in the beggining and I can say I was happy with the new found relationship, but over time all of the stuff I put aside emotionally started to come out. Then came back the depression, withdrawing, self harm etc. My spouse blamed herself for how I felt. While she did some things that made me feel bad, it wasn't her fault for how I feel but my own. I am the one with unresolved issues, a severe lack of self esteem that border on self hate, depression etc. Those things were part of me before we meet and they still are. Being in a relationship didn't change anything in regards to how I felt. When those things started to emerge and I began to withdraw, she blamed herself and felt like she was being rejected. That can lead a person to resentment or other things that are unhealthy for a lasting relationship. I reccomend you work on your life and get things into a better place for yourself. That makes relationships much easier. The biggest positive for me is having someone and having depression is that I have a reason to keep going. I'm not saying I would end things if she left or am trying to manipulate her, but without my marriage I feel like I would be more likely to self destruct. Having someone that depends on me, helps me to think about the consequences and in the times that I am filled with self hate, knowing that hurting myself also hurts her tempers my actions and I better resist the urges and impulses to do self destructive things. That isn't exactly a positive from her standpoint. I can't imagine going into things, if she knew how bad things get for me that she would have pursued it. I could be wrong. The point I am trying to make is that my issues don't help my relationship and are a issues that tends to drive a wedge between things when I don't ackolwedge and address them. The issues were there before her and did not go away by being with her. They are mine to deal with and when I don't, they cause issues between us.
__________________
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#17
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#18
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I think it is the girls you are dating then. People that come from abusive enviroments often feel like it is normal to be at someone else's control. For them, that is what love feels like. They may know it is abuse, but they may not care enough about themselves to want it to stop. It sounds crazy that people would put up with it, but a life of tramatic events can lead people to make bad decisions for themselves.
I think you can find someone out there that is into you. Sounds like you have had a bad run of girlfirends. You shouldn't blame yourself. There isn't anything wrong with being nice or kind. The girls you have gone out with lack appreciation or have their own issues that make them feel like they don't deserve to be treated well. That is their problem, not yours.
__________________
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." |
![]() sadp8r
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![]() sadp8r
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#19
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#20
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I think abuse makes people do one of two things. They either release it is wrong and fight back or run away, the natural fight or flight response takes over. The second thing is they break down emotionally and feel like they deserve it. They feel like being abused and controlled is what love and caring feels like. It is really hard for to break that cycle and try to have a better life. They get stuck in a mindset that they have to stay because they can handle things on their own. People that are completly submissive find it much easier to take orders than to take control. Being abused as a child can stunt a person's emmotional development, so they aren't emotionally mature enough to make reasonible decision. I think that is why people stay with abusive people for so long. They have to reach a breaking point before they get out of it. These women who left you to go be with asshats shouldnt be worth your time. You can only be you. If they can't appreciate the tenderness and love you provided them, then it is wasted effort trying to make it work. It sounds like they need some counseling to deal with their own issues. Try to keep your head up. I have faith that you will find a person that you will mean the world to. Think of it this way, you only have to find that one person, and it isn't like there is just one either. There are probable hundreds of women that live near you that you could start and developing a meaningful and lasting relationship with. Maybe talking to a therapist could help you. It may give you some insight as to when thing in your relationships when sour. What events led up to the other losing interest and going away. It may have been all their fault or maybe you did something without realizing it. For example my wife sabotages herself a lot. She puts herself in situations where she is set up to lose. She doesn't consciously do it. She sometimes acts impulsively and without thinking of the consequences. Some of her actions almost led us to divorce. She didn't realise what she was doing until things blew up. I mean she had control to make decisions but she didn't think of the consequences of her action until afterwards. Even though she had no means to support herself, I gave her no reason to want to leave, but still she jeopardized her marriage on something that had little benifiet or gain to herself. I don't think she got the gravity of all of it until I was going to move out and I stopped talking to her. Doing a little bit of therapy can help you understand yourself a little better and maybe stop you from doing things you don't realize you are doing. It is also possible you did nothing wrong and just got unlucky in a string of girlfriends that were very good.
__________________
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy." |
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