Would it help to join a support group or forum for people who have a similar issue in their past? It might help you move past the shame to really see that there are other good people who have made those mistakes...it might be healing to find an anonymous context in which you get to experience compassion and understanding from people who have been there.

I like the idea of a support group in general, but I don't do well with groups of people (though i'm very sociable online and among my close knits, I completely shut up around anyone who I think can judge me and I can see the judgement). I didn't even think there would be a support group for that kind of thing, but I googled it and apparantly there is lol. I wouldn't do it, but I do think it can be helpful for many other people Thanks

I don't think your T will see it like that, though. It's not like talking to a friend, when maybe they get impatient and ask you to get to the point. A good T will wait until YOU are ready...

I think that she would definitely wait patiently, and I feel like she would probably assist me in helping me determine when exactly I would be ready. Thanks for helping me remember that.

...A few weeks ago, I sent my T an email about something and then freaked out and got it into my head that he wouldn't let me come in for my session if he'd read it, and that it would be awful walking past him into the room if he did let me. I texted asking him not to read it until I was there...

Lol, yes this is one of the reasons I am slow to email it. Because once its gone it's gone. Although I will say that sometimes (for me at least) the "just throw it out there and see where it goes" technique often does work for me.

I don't know about the law where you are, but Ts are certainly not obliged to report all crimes or abuse reported to them. Historic events would not be reportable to my knowledge.

Yeah, I think thats this would be considered historical, as it's all happened around the age of 10-13 (i'm 25 now).

I'm sorry this is causing you so much anguish. I want you to know that, whether I've emailed something to my T, or handed it to him to read in a session, I have always felt better for just kind of getting rid of it and not being alone with it and seeing that it can be in the room with us.

Having it "be in the room with us" is the scariest part of all. But if it all goes well I feel like I could honestly tell her anything else.

...Here, they are obliged to report if they believe that there is a risk of physical harm to the patient or someone else, in future...And laws vary between U.S. states as well as regards Ts' obligations to report. So it is actually much more sensible to trust your T than anything you read on the Internet.

Yeah, I was a little surprised that she would have to contact a relative if I was sui verses "forcing me to go inpatient". And i've had her (in the first few sessions) go over what she has to report and what she has not multiple times (at one point she was just like, "ok, obviously this is a big deal to you, so tell me a situation you think I would have to report...") and now I think I have a pretty clear understanding that these things I tell her should not be reported...

Nothing to worry about, Bee. Unless you reveal something that demonstrates imminent threat of harm to yourself or anyone else, your T will keep confidentiality. There has to be the threat of current harm. Keep up your courageous work!!

Thanks FeelTheBurn

as long as you know, it's up to you. Was not my intent to scare u or worry u, only educate u.

I hope my reaction didn't offend you. I do appreciate that. I'd much rather be educated than walk into yet another trap.

...you're nervous about it because you care about what your therapist thinks. consider that first. consider if it'll destroy your sense of safety. then make your decision.

I do care about what she thinks. And I think my sense of safety will be based completely on her reaction.

I would keep writing and rewriting the five pages until I was comfortable with my own material. Then I would continue writing and rewriting until I had it condensed into four or five paragraphs of material I was comfortable with. Then I would start with paragraph 1 and share/talk about a paragraph a week...

Lol, well I finally finished the letter and it totalled eleven pages. I tend to need to explain things, provide excuses really, in order to truly convey my point. My best friend told me that when I condense stories i leave out important details and go from point A to point L to point Z, leaving the listener knowing pretty much nothing.

Alleged crimes committed in the past are done; cannot be undone... No one action, one event is all of our life or all of a relationship with another...I still remember the shock of visiting my mother's grave...and it became clear to me she was not just my mother...I was only the center of my mother's universe when she and I were relating to one another, not before, after, or when she was relating to my father or brothers, her mother, brother, sister-in-law, etc.

This is a very good point. I think i've built my world around this little point, and I honestly am ready to live free of it. It affects where I go, who I talk to, etc. Because I know people who knew me at the time, and don't want them to see me and bring up anything - and then I choose not to go places because I may just may run into somebody who knew what I did ten years ago and it just piles up more and more...

But it was long ago and it was far away, Oh God it seems so very far And if life is just a highway, Then the soul is just a car And objects in the rear view mirror May appear closer than they are
~Meat Loaf

Thank you Perna. Those lyrics are perfect.

What if you emailed it to her along with the options in your post and let her decide what the best option would be...if you are going to make the "Leap of Faith" by giving her the letter why not go all the way and trust her judgement on what to do with the letter.

You know, this might just be a good idea.