Hi PlatinumHeart,

Wow can I relate you! Of course I can only speak for myself, but I'm under the impression that what you're experiencing is the misery of depression. Perhaps you can relate that when you're not depressed, when you're somewhere between normal (what ever that is) and hypo-manic, everything is inspiring! Oh when I'm happy I'm looking close at bumble bees and marveling at their fuzzy vibrating lives, I'm hungry for the book in my backpack and while I'm reading I'm highlighting more things than I'm leaving alone, I want to learn how that EKG machine works, and so on, and so on. I'm so curious! And then... when the depression hits me it's like being dragged kicking and screaming again into that cave of misery which I know so well; It's that place where all food tastes like newspaper, every color is grey, and it may as well be pouring rain all over me, in fact I might feel better for it. With depression I'm blasting my mind away with computer games and just hanging on with tortilla chips and YouTube videos until that unknown time when my Lamotrigine will make a difference or God knows what...

My life is on hold until my treatment works. I've tried everything. Everything. I've tried cycling 20 km. a day, getting my wake/sleep rhythm on lock-down, eating well, journaling, psychotherapy, incense, yoga, kung fu, you name it... nothing works. Depression is my cellmate.

I empathize with you so much. I think what we're experiencing is the disease. Good luck with your treatment plan. Keep it up. It's the only thing that seems to make sense. I've been in therapy since I've been in the 3rd grade. I have so many aspirations, but my depression is like a 1 ton weight chained around my ankle. I'm confidant that psychiatry/pharmaco-therapy will ease our suffering, along with all of the other things we have to do, like washing our dishes and all the rest of the stuff that's such a drag to do when depressed.

Keep your spirits up my friend. Often we must fight for every smile, but damn it I will fight for every one that I can get.