as i expected he would. i had a three hour assessment in September and a two hour talk with the Pdoc yesterday and he told me that i'm not bipolarII. i am majorly depressed and laid out a plan for us to work with and i'll see him again in a month.

i had put myself on 40mg prozac about 6 weeks ago (the 40s were all i had and that is very high dose) and i've turned into a different person. no swirling the drain. no thoughts of suicide. actually excited about Christmas this year.....haven't been excited in about five years. am not isolating quite so much. still have the social anxiety though but i think i'll come out of it.

i now have the prozac (from pharmacist in Oklahoma) in 20s. i had called her for a refill and you will love this. with the company that the doctor had prescribed the 40s, the prozac was $69.00 for a 30 day supply. by changing companies and going with 20s, my bill was $15 for 90 days!!!!!!! so, i'll go on the 20s and eventually quit the xanax and he will switch me to another AD that will help me with the anxiety and we'll see how it goes.

the problem with being DXed bipolarII slowly came to me after about 18 months as i have no mania. to speak of. i'm always so low that i'm scared to death of where i'm at.

i really cannot get over having 5 hours with professionals here. the first guy was a psychologist and yesterday the two hours were with the Pdoc. Texas rates low on the chart for mental health treatment but i lucked out on the two people that i've dealt with. both people really listened and questioned me like i was on trial for robbing a Brinks truck. and i really do appreciate and respect that because my DX was given to me in about 20 minutes and then i was always on three to four meds at a time and never got better. just got worse. and angie knows that i only had a manic episode one time and she talked me through it. and it could have been something situational. i don't know about that one.

soooooooooo......i'm doing really well and like the Pdoc very much and am looking forward to better and better days. i even put up outside lights for Christmas and that is better than i've done in 5 years.

this is a cactus flower that i photographed at the ranch. i sorta feel as if i'm starting to bloom a bit now.......

http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h8...rl/flower1.jpg

merry, merry, merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas!