That's why, building up the relationship, the friendship, the romance, the intimacy, and communicating to one another, is a key component to taking it to the sexual level.
Forced and Obligated sex, are no fun.
Would you be able to determine, if you were with a healthy partner, from the get go? Would you be able to spot a relationship, that doesn't feel right, before you get into the bedroom aspect?
A lot of the complaints, I have seen/heard, through the years, is an issue of 'withholding', not necessarily 'dry spells', busy times, oops-wow, it's really been that long moments, no, that's not what I perceive some of the concerns I've seen/heard voiced, through the years. There's a huge difference.
I used, to be people pleasing. There's two extremes, in the bedroom, where unhealthy relationships are concerned. Mine, bordered on the other side of the equation. My former marriage, that is. There's sexless marriages, and oversexed marriages(not of the mutual kind, where I am discussing the extremes of marriages/relationships here, for this point)
If you are worried, about this, keep an eye out, for other 'controlling' behaviors, guilt trips, et al.
A healthy relationship, involves mutual consent. No head games. No punishing behaviors.
And I really hope, that you meet that someone special, who will wait, and ask and talk to you about it. It stands to reason, if you are pondering how to know you won't be in this position, you are setting yourself up to not be put in that position. Know thyself!!(<--Sun Tzu reference) Good for you
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Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
That's exactly how I feel! If I feel forced into it, I'm not going to want to do it at all. The problem is, I'm not sure how I'll ever be in a situation where I don't feel forced into it...at least without the other person waiting too long.
I have no idea how long it would take being in a relationship before I would feel safe enough that it would actually feel mutual to me. I don't know if anyone I potentially date would understand...as it extends to kissing/cuddling etc. It's not that I don't want to do it, I just don't want it to lead to something more before I'm ready and I know I won't be able to stop it. Would someone understand that they won't even be allowed close to me or alone with me until I can trust that they'll respect my boundaries and not go any farther than kissing/cuddling etc.? I mean, it's common for people to kiss on the first date...it's expected to get physical really fast. I suppose I wouldn't be so afraid if I could defend myself or if I could trust that someone would listen to me and consider my feelings too.
When I grew up, I was exposed to the attitude of a woman does what the guy says if she knows what's good for her (and since she's a woman, she doesn't know what's good for her, so she has to do as she's told). Case closed.
I honestly have trouble trusting that someone physically stronger than me and who is capable of hurting me, would willing choose not to hurt me. Unless he's terrified of me and I tried intimidation for a long time when dealing with male classmates in college—obviously not healthy, but I really don't know how to trust that someone won't hurt me, especially if they see as weak.
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