We all do jacked stuff at some point in our life. I think your husband should know how you feel and what the guilt is doing to you. I think if he knows how intensely mournful you are, at bare minimum, he will know you love him deeply enough to have that level of regret. I think that is what I would want to know if my spouse cheated on me. I would want to know that they understand what it did to me and that they feel awful for it. I think that would be a key to moving on for both of you. Forgiving yourself will be tough, but you owe it to yourself to work on it. You are human and trying to live your life...there will be bumps... ((hugs))