It has to get harder as you thaw. All that mud you know :-) Sounds like you're moving in the right direction though. The work is very slow. I would just try to tell your T you are "curious" about your diagnosis. I don't know that s/he would discuss it much yet but I bet it would please him/her that you were feeling curious about it (instead of not showing much interest in yourself or treatment). It's a good sign you are beginning to try to figure things out and organize them better, that you "care."