Wondering

I am trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I have read quite alot about PTSD and I wonder if I have it. I have thoughts that come to me and I can't get rid of them. Sometimes they are images of things that happened in the past. Many times I feel like the life is being sucked out of me when these thoughts come. I hate that feeling. Current events remind me of the earlier events and sometimes I get so afraid that I just freeze. I feel like I can't move or speak. I try and not think about these things - try to push them away but it isn't always possible. Although I have been better at it. Also, for a along time I felt nothing. I think I am beginning to thaw out though, as I find myself having feelings about things. I don't like it very much and am not sure what to do about it. I guess some of the feelings are alright but some I would rather not have.

I have PTSD and relate to what you are saying.

I also have PTSD, and I know those feeling. You should get it checked out by a proffesional so you can get the help you need.

Well I am seeing a T, but we have never discussed what is wrong with me? I am also afraid to ask.

Thank you all for responding =)

Well you can ask to see your file. Every patient has a right to see their file if I remember correctly. I don't think you should be so scared of asking. He will probably understand you wanting to know. The time with your T should be yours so if you want to ask what's wrong with you I think you should. But then I don't have a lot of experience with these things, it's just what I think.
Good luck

It has to get harder as you thaw. All that mud you know :-) Sounds like you're moving in the right direction though. The work is very slow. I would just try to tell your T you are "curious" about your diagnosis. I don't know that s/he would discuss it much yet but I bet it would please him/her that you were feeling curious about it (instead of not showing much interest in yourself or treatment). It's a good sign you are beginning to try to figure things out and organize them better, that you "care."

Thank you Perna and Is this. I know I am beginning to thaw and I don't like it very much, I haven't felt in a long time. As for looking at my file - last session he offered to let me go through it, he said it is my file and I just need to let him know if or when I would like to look at it. This came up because a few months ago I left my husband and I am getting ready to file for a divorce. He has said that if I file he will bring my mental state into the hearing as I am not a fit mother. I have been putting off filing but I am tired of his crap (my husbands) and I am not going to let him bully me any longer. So when I went in last week I asked my T if he thought I was crazy. He assured me I wasn't and said that he would fight to keep my file out of any proceedings and even if it did get into court - there was nothing in there that would show me as an unfit mother or anything that would have bearing on my ability to care for my children. He assured me I would not lose custody. My husband does not want the children, he is just trying to get at me and cannot understand that the real loser in all this will be the children, my husband currently is unable to care for the kids so he won't gain custody. But he plays alot of mind games with me and I can't stand it, he makes me doubt my sanity all the time. This is probably more than you guys wanted to know, sorry about that.

I don't just ask what is wrong with me as I am afraid to find out. Does that make any sense? I am desperate to know but to afraid to ask???

Thank you guys so much - This whole process is new to me and appreciate all your help.

Don't push yourself. Allow the thoughts, and move on... I hope you will find a therapist to help you.

Remember, you won't find out anything new that is "wrong" with you...you will just have a "label" if you want one...it won't change who you are and what you have been, or what you have been dealing with.

TC!

Thank you Sky.