I looked at your intro post and I really feel if you live in US you need to go to county mental health tomorrow. You can find the address online. I know you don't have gas but this is effecting your life greatly, I know you have a lot of anxiety issues but you need to find someone to bring you. Even if you have to go negative. You've had a very crappy month and are having at least vaguely passing suicidal thoughts. Your paranoid and may have an eating disorder. If you end up needing stitches from self-harm you may not have the option to be in control of your healthcare.