Quote:
Originally Posted by rtaxdggdggd
I can't help it .. I always have smile on my face I laugh I help others
yet all they do is mock me, talk behind my back .. I dont have any friend and I don't want any..
I feel humiliated. my self worth is gone..
I wish I could be mean or rude but all I do is smile like an idiot.
I get back from college cry the next day act as if nothing happened.
to them nice=weak
So, how can I be rude ?
please help I'm completely lost..
|
I have no wish to be rude, but the rest......
that is me.
false smile (thinking that if I wear it long enough that it will someday become real (still waiting))
bright sunny cheerful "Can Do" attitude......
it keeps me from getting beat up (mentally, emotionally, and in the past physically)
am I sick of it? YES! do I keep doing it? YES!
because in my case, standing up for yourself will only get you knocked down harder. I have lost jobs, and relationships, and more for simply standing up for myself. so I hide under the doormat that I have become because while it is certainly painful, the alternative is worse.
one bright side tho if I ever "Want Out" all I gotta do is stand up for myself.....lol
__________________
why me? what did I do to deserve being treated this way? and for 54 years yet!
The guy who seemed unbreakable BROKE,
the guy who always laughed STOPPED,
the guy who never stopped trying finally GAVE UP,
he dropped the fake smile as a tear rolled down his cheek and he whispered "i cant do this anymore"
then collapsed and gave up the ghost.