I'm sick of bening nice..

I can't help it .. I always have smile on my face I laugh I help others
yet all they do is mock me, talk behind my back .. I dont have any friend and I don't want any..
I feel humiliated. my self worth is gone..
I wish I could be mean or rude but all I do is smile like an idiot.
I get back from college cry the next day act as if nothing happened.
to them nice=weak
So, how can I be rude ?

please help I'm completely lost..

I don't know if being rude is the right way but definitely stand up for yourself, though I know it can be hard when you're the nice girl/guy. You have worth, we all do. Maybe you should seek therapy to try and bolster your self esteem? I hope you start to feel better soon.

You are dealing with cultural imprints. Being negative is our way. If you are nice or sensitive, they will tell you that you are conning them and have ulterior motives. Be have become a violent society, and it only going to get worse.

Niceness...politeness... isn't weakness. Some of the truly strongest people I know are nice people. Try to understand that. I'm sorry but I can't help you with the rest of it.

Hello, rtax..., and welcome to Psych Central!

I think being nice is good, as George H. says, but I also agree that therapy could be helpful to you to get you to be able to stand up for yourself when needed. Being nice doesn't mean having to be a weak doormat.

As far as those other people, please try not to worry about them. They sound like jerks. You need other nice, caring people as friends.

I have no wish to be rude, but the rest......
that is me.

false smile (thinking that if I wear it long enough that it will someday become real (still waiting))

bright sunny cheerful "Can Do" attitude......
it keeps me from getting beat up (mentally, emotionally, and in the past physically)

am I sick of it? YES! do I keep doing it? YES!
because in my case, standing up for yourself will only get you knocked down harder. I have lost jobs, and relationships, and more for simply standing up for myself. so I hide under the doormat that I have become because while it is certainly painful, the alternative is worse.

one bright side tho if I ever "Want Out" all I gotta do is stand up for myself.....lol

You shouldn't want to be anything you are not and you just aren't a rude person. You really sound depressed, of course, I'm not an expert or doctor, so it is only the opinion of a depressed person, that does the same thing.

If you don't already have a psychiatrist, I suggest you see one. An anitdepressant could make your outlook totally different.

I had some advise given to me during a really tough time I was having. She told me to "never let them see you sweat". I found as long as I never let my enemy see me break down, then I am strong. In your case being strong = putting on a happy face.

You don't have to be rude. Just learn to be assertive. Being too nice will just get you walked on. I know this from experience. You gotta find that balance and convey the message, "I am nice, but don't cross me."