mdnghtrain: yes! that's exactly what i mean. when i'm not feeling depressed and i dive into the "real world" (vs. my own little corner of the world) i get bogged down by the pressure and depressed again. i'm sorry that you're feeling this though i struggle with adding too much to my plate too when i think i'm better... when i come out of a depressive episode, i tend to think i'm invincible and/or want to makeup for lost time so i'll do like 2 internships, take 5 classes, sign up for 3 clubs... and then, obviously, get burnt out and depressed again. i can sympathize with the pressure you have from your wife and mom. luckily for me, i'm only accountable for myself and my parents are fairly understanding and supportive of my depression.

perna: i agree with you! my depression definitely seems secondary to the anxiety i've always had (my depression started much later, when i was 16). i've always been a little too ambitious for my own good (some of it was my fault, some of it was external pressure). the problem is-- when i get depressed and stay in bed/don't do stuff, tasks just pile up and it's all the more overwhelming to get up, face reality and start tackling them. i think the problem is that i just need to start. thanks for your advice/words of wisdom-- they're super helpful actually and a new lens of viewing my illness