Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
T and I talked about my inhibitions and shame about my body. We both agreed I still see myself as about 14 or 15 when I learned about the "birds and the bees," as we used to call it. I didn't think people really did that! Of course I'm an adult now and have children, so I know differently, but somehow I'm still stuck there. I don't mean I didn't learn when I was younger, but I didn't get the whole picture until I was a teenager.
On the other hand, I want to feel good and want to be satisfied. We talked about my RL, not about her, and it was embarrassing. She offered suggestions and I told her why they won't work. Then she said "you have choices" which upset me. She always tells me that. Today I said "I'm not you. I'm not independent and I'm not getting a divorce!"
It was a difficult session.
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I learned about the birds and the bees before I was 5 years old through being sexually abused. sometimes I go through where I feel like I am stuck at different ages..
sometimes I feel like Im that 10 year old child that got lost in the mines after being abused. one day I was with my therapist and I looked at her and said I know Im an adult and Im sitting here with you, in your office, in the city, Im not a 10 year old child lost in the mine shafts, but I sure feel that way right now.
she smiled at me and said..."you're in touch with your inner child, everyone has times when they feel like they are the child they used to be and what happened to them at that age, its called being in touch with your inner child. tell me what does this inner child you need at this moment?" I told her I needed to get out of this maze like mine shaft. She looked at me and said lets see if we can do that.. think about our conversation, is there anything about what we talked about that made you feel lost and stuck in a maze of problems. there was. what we talked about had taken us down many paths that opened up another problem or what I felt was a dead end wall.
she asked me to write them all down and see if seeing them on paper helps to clear a path out of the maze I was stuck in. As we did this she would make suggestions and I would write them down too. at first I after each one I would write why that wouldnt work and cross it off. until finally we had exhausted every possible thing..
she looked at me and said..hmmmmm I wonder a few things...
the first is obvious...you effectively wrote off each option...I wonder if you are so stuck in the problem that your mind refuses to see the unlocked doors?
second if so I wonder how not going through any of these unlocked doors will benefit you?
and third...since our unlocked doors that we found together dont work, I wonder if you would be willing to take this idea home with you and see what you can come up with on your own. sometimes it takes actually being in the problem that jogs the brain into finding that spontaneous solution that will work. you know what wont work and you know what you dont want to do, maybe in the fire it will come to you what you can and want to do.
she was right. I went to work the next day and the problem came up that I had discussed with my therapist. and right there in the midst of the problem I pulled out my notebook and wrote what my inner child needed at that moment to get out of the maze.
you know you dont want to get a divorce, ok thats one unlocked door. you know you are not like your therapist so you cant/ dont want to do what she would do in your situation.. so now its time to find what doors you can unlock on your own....thats not saying you have to walk through those unlocked doors. just locate them. walking through will come later when you have figured out which door works best for you.
maybe you can give this a try...when you are right in the midst of the problem.. take time out to write down how your inner child is feeling and what you think will help that inner child you.