Thank you so much to those who replied so far. I think maybe, coupled with the actual death, the way my parents treated me may have helped cause this. Since she was older than me, and my parents never met her, they didn't consider her to be a real friend. She was just as much a friend to me as another kid my age. But they took the age into account, and for that reason prohibited me from attending her funeral. The night I found out she died, my dad called the cops and had them search her records. He woke me up at 2 am to tell me smugly all this information I already knew, and saying "her parents didn't want me at the funeral" even though they personally invited me. I am still close to her mom and we talk often. She sends me pictures of Candace and chats with me about her which is nice. But basically my parents spit in my face about it. They forced me to go to school the very next day where I felt humiliated because I couldn't stop crying in class. Some people said I was doing it for attention.

My parents don't even remember her. I have a memorial in my room with her pictures and artwork of hers and they don't know what it is. If I mentioned her, I bet they wouldn't remember. Or my dad would call her a pedophile. They are extremely judgmental. They assume that because she was an older woman and stuff that she doesnt qualify as my best friend. I went to my sister one night crying, knowing I couldn't go to my parents, and she told me I was just "overtired." It's made me so insecure about this whole thing that I never even mention Candace anymore really. I feel like no matter what, people will always judge me and her. Nobody grasps that this was like losing a sister almost. So I guess maybe that's it. No one ever helped me cope. And I do see a therapist, and I mentioned Candace once, but I always feel wicked uncomfortable because I'm afraid of how people will react. As soon as I say she was in her early 30s late 20s they just go "oh" and treat it like it's less of a big deal.