Hello, sorry, I need your help again, please. I know it's long but I am upset.
This morning I went to my GP for my blood test (she asked me to bring her the results). Things between us have been tense lately, she didn't support me about my ED at all and judged me in a very negative way saying it's disgusting and making me feel like an "animal". My parents don't support me either and don't know the whole thing.
I talked to my T about feeling such an outcaste previously, and she's always comforted me that the GP is not being very professional and made me feel safe and right. So far T is the only person keeping me safe on track when I lose my way.

So, today I went to GP and she was off on vacation, as always. I was sent to another GP in the office and it was terrible. I was really ashamed to answer his questions and he read what my GP wrote about me and said "So you stuck fingers down your throat! Now I understand many things. Blood tests are not great and you should speak to your GP and let her do something" (Oh my, do I really have to go back to my GP??).
I felt so ashamed and so horrible that I can't stop crying.

And so I texted my T saying I'm sorry but can't show up on Friday. I really need her, don't know where to go, what to do, who to talk to without feeling like a wretch. But in that moment I thought I'll better leave her alone cause I'm such a wretch to deal with and figured she thinks like them and says "ah she's finally gone" after the sessions as well as today after my text. And at the same time I thought something like "Dump them before they abandon you". I don't know, I just want to disappear.

I feel worse now and need a word. I can't think. Help.