After 7 years of marriage,I left my abusive, meth addicted husband. After going through hell...being locked inside for weeks, the bathroom for days, strangled, raped, beat, tortured, etc...I got away managed to take the three children. Honestly...I never should have made it out alive...but God was with me through everything and he pulled me away from all that.
Anyway...I have been away and hiding for 5 months. The fear I had the first week was intense...hourly panic attacks realizing I wouldn't be able to explain what I was doing away from him in a way that would satisfy him. Then...I was strong, confident, sure. I knew I wouldn't go back, I put on a brave face and chose to make good out of my horror.

Anyway...here we are 5 months later and im breaking down. Crying, missing him, wondering if I can be alone. I will not go back..and lost my romantic love through all the crap. But my heart hurts, my soul is sad, I am lonely...and there are so many things that were left unsaid.
I don't know if it is grief or what...but it hurts. Hurts me deeper than I knew I could hurt. A constant burning aching...

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