willow PLEASE post more. we love u here.

starting this new year makes me fe suicidal. because i dont deserve this year. i deserve nothing. why am i even born? i am a mistake. a popped condom probably. someone missed their birth control maybe.

idk what i want in life willow im where u are or where u think u are.

Willow I'm glad you posted...I've missed having you around. I briefly had a OT while I was on the psych ward...they will help you do whatever you want. I told mine I wanted to get back to my art and for a brief time they let me into a special arts and crafts room. It was truly the greatest crafts room that I had ever seen...they had so many fun things. After being in the psych ward with zero to do it was like I had access to a special place in heaven for just an hour. I did not want to leave...I built a special wand from Popsicle sticks leather shells and feathers...it was beautiful and magical to me but they would not let me keep it even when I left. What do you want to do or be...it can be anything....perhaps a trip to the ocean or visit a friend learn something new an instrument...the ukulele is really fun...a new language...anything can be a goal. Maybe go watch an orchestra play....whatever it is....they are there to help keep your mind and body engaged....why not try relaxing yoga or meditation? Think back to the things you enjoyed as a child...that's a great place to start. Perhaps just a simple walk outside for some fresh air?