Hi, all.

Happy new year.

I'm taking an online course and am having difficulty motivating myself to lern the material. When I do study, my short term memory seems to work, but the information quickly evaporates. I read the material over and over again, but it just won't stick. I never had this problem in high school or undergraduate school, and was a very good student. I am 40 years old now.

Furthermore, I feel much "dumber" than I was when I was younger.

Is my retention difficulty a result of my age and having not studied for awhile? What about IQ point loss?

I spoke to a psychologist who said that untreated episodes can actually cause damage to the brain, and that, contrary to the belief that those with bipolar are highly creative and productive, that people with the disorder, especially when untreated, become less and less abled as time goes on. (Makes sense since many of us wind up on disability. If it were so great, we would be progressing through life with each episode). Imagine the neural overload during a manic episode, and what must happen when it happens repeatedly.

Anyway, having a difficult time with this course and afraid it's going to end up in the toilet. Wondering if it's largely due to brain damage. When I was younger, I was in gifted programs. After a current assessment, I am only a little above average -- a loss of more than 20 IQ points.

I realize that there are multiple types of intelligence, and I think I have, as my disease has progressed, relied on those to compensate for the others that have waned.

I stopped taking benzos for anxiety several months ago, which I think has helped with the mental fogginess, but I still have difficulty concentrating and following conversations sometimes. I also have a big problem with word retrieval and tend toward circumlocution.

Am I doomed, or can I get some of my former brain back?

I appreciate any kind of input and information, even if just sharing similar experiences.

Thanks.

Seaweed Head