I am alone, scared, SI, SUI and feel so very let down and abandoned by life, myself and others. I've dropped into a pit of my own making...and each book and each T seems to have a different and contradictory idea of how to help me. In the end, they agree that I'm like the "worst case scenario"....the one you try to avoid at all costs. I feel like I corrupt the bright lights in my life and make everyone around me feel worse rather than better. I add no value. I have nothing to offer. I've never said "helpless"...just hopeless. Right now I feel helpless and absolutely without hope. My biggest fear has always been to die unknown and unloved. Why does that have to come to be? Every judgmental thought I've had over the years about others that I have regretted seems to be true about myself. enough. just enough. I'm so tired of trying and pushing and doing what the docs suggest and still being so very alone...heart-renderingly alone. It's like being sucked into a black hole and realizing finally that there is just nothing left to grasp... There is no more light, no beacon, no warmth, no air, no rescue, no hand to hold, nothing left that matters. Just sleep.