I have been subjected to verbal abuse, at family gatherings, for years now. My younger sister has always been on the attack. She usually just says things out of earshot of everyone else, like 'you're so stupid' or calls me a 'b****' and then turns and smiles and chats to the rest of the family.

My Mum and sister have always said she's just jealous and ignore her (they have been intimidated themselves by her aggressive nature). So I have, ignored it, for 25 years, with the occasional 'shut up' thrown in by me now and again.

But now my girls are 11 and 15, she's started saying things about them. This culminated in (2 months ago) her saying my daughter was a dirty drop-out (she's been off school for 10 months due to illness) as I passed her in my elder sisters hall at a recent birthday party. Earlier in the evening she had said 'disgusting', 'lazy *****' at the dinner table as I sat down next to her. I had ignore this.

I went into the living room and told my Mum I wouldn't put up with this anymore and she said tell her that then. So I waited in the hall, away from everyone else and when she came back through said to her she could say what she liked about me but to leave my kids out of it, that I was fed up with her attitude and bullying and she should stop it.

She laughed and said she didn't know what I was talking about. She had never said a word.

I am afraid the years of keeping the peace and suffering for it bubbled to the surface. Regretfully I said 'You're a fat nasty ***** and no-one likes you'. Just that, nothing else. You have to understand I don't like confrontation and avoid arguments whenever possible so it was not like me to say that. I do regret it because personal attacks get you nowhere but I felt so upset. It doesn't sound like a lot but I have had years of these little nasty attacks and despite being as nice as possible nothing has changed.

Anyway I think she was so shocked that I'd been nasty back, before I knew what was happening her hands were around my throat. It wasn't for long then she hit me hard enough to knock me to the floor. I called out to my husband and he helped me up. I followed her into the kitchen and shouted 'if you ever touch me again I will call the police'.

Everyone was very shocked and sat quietly in the lounge, whilst my sister sat in the kitchen with our father.

Eventually we went home and it was only then that I discovered my youngest daughter had been playing on the stairs and seen all of it, she now says she's afraid of her Aunty. We have not been invited back to my elder sisters since (not even at Christmas with everyone else, although they did come to us) and my Mother has told me I shouldn't have started the row and my Father has told me its my fault and I should be nicer to my younger sister as she has a painful joint condition.

I am 45 and my sister is 40. I can't believe that after all these years I stood up to her and that I am now getting punished. It all feels so unfair.

I am looking for any advice on how I could stop this from happening at future family occasions. How do I stand up for myself, obviously without being abusive next time, and stay safe from physical attacks? How do I get over feeling unfairly treated?