I've struggled with anorexia since I was 7 years old. The first time I thought I was fat I remember vividly at 4yo. I was getting ready for gymnastics and in my red leotard. I was in front of the mirror I'm my parents room and that is when I saw my belly protruding. Or to my belief it was. I was a competitive gymnast by 6 and real fear set in by 7and total restriction and stealing my moms or the local pharmacies diet pills became a regular habit.
over the last 31 years I've been hospitalized 7times at severely dangerous weights. Several time tube fed and always on a heart monitor and potassium drip.
each hospitalization has lasted 4-5 months.
as a result of long term relationship with my eating disorder I now have gastroparesis, in the last 5weeks I've been hospitalized 25 days for idiopathic pancreatitis, severe h-pylori infection, peptic ulcer disease gastritis and colitis. I have no actually been able to eat for 8 weeks due to the stomach disease and pains. Even ensure usually gets vomited back up due to pain and non digestion.
in the hospital I was Npo for several days then put on a tube feed to try to get my electrolytes back to normal.
I can't take or am allergic to the meds for gastroparesis and did receive botox injections for it with little help.
I am now very bloated and severely stressed.
Actually for the first time in my life I can actually see the thinness in my face but I don't see it anywhere else. I keep weighing myself and although the stomach disease has caused weight loss I still want more but at the same time I don't.
I don't think that I can handle too much more pain mentally or physically. I'm ready to be freed.