I know this feeling so well. I'm gonna tell you what I know is true, even if I struggle to believe it for myself.

You DO deserve him. You ARE good enough. Just because you've hurt people in the past, doesn't mean you deserve to be punished forever. We all screw up, and we all have regrets. Its ok to move forward. Let him love you. Let him be your rock. You have to accept that someone can love you, BPD and all.

It's ok to be happy.