I've had to increase my therapy sessions as well as my Clonex dose the past week.
I keep having monster panic attacks in which I feel like I am moving outside of myself and my mind is somehow in front of me (like I am not only outside of my body but my mind as well).
It's horrifying because it's like everything is external (including my thoughts). I feel completely terrified because I feel l have withdrawn to a place where my I am looking at my mind from the outside and so I have no mind of my own (if that makes sense).
I know I have a major conflict between two selves (one is childish, angry, sulky, and spontaneous and doesn't trust anyone, etc...). The other is an unhappy adult who is embarrassed by the child part. The embarrassment is so deep that I experience it as coming from other people (I don't hallucinate, I just feel like I am being watched and being humiliated).
Sorry if this isn't very coherent.
I dont know if it really makes a difference in practice if this is DID or PTSD, Im just really creeped out by not being in control of who I am. Its like I am being attacked by parts of me that I don't even experience as parts of me.