Quote:
Originally Posted by mswinter
Thank you for your replies.
Thank you. I feel the same. Early in the relationship, I had to fight for a consistent time every week but back then I had an insurance he liked... my chances of securing a consistent time now that I'm uninsured and paying his lowest fee are basically non-existent.
I know that he doesn't value me; I have known for a long while. It is close to impossible for me to feel that anyone should value me though, so his behavior is consistent with what I expect and reinforces my internal beliefs.
The grief I begin to experience when I accept the idea of letting go is so overwhelming that I can only stay with it for a few moments....  |
If there is a positive side to this, you've been talking to your inner child and you know that you need more than this therapist can provide. You are learning how to get your needs met, which is so important.
Another positive is that you've had space and time away from your therapist. You haven't seen him for months. Even if you've been connecting by email, it's not the same.
You can view this as a step forward for yourself. It doesn't have to be a negative. You know what you need and knowing what you need is an important step to asking another therapist to help you get there.
You asked your T and he wasn't able to provide it. It's not your fault. It happens. You can grow from this and be stronger for it.
Have you looked at any other potential therapists in your insurance network? You don't need to "settle", but I'd get yourself to see another therapist ASAP who can help you work through this. We're definitely here to support you, but we can only do so much since we're not physically there with you. If I could encourage you in anything, it would be to search around and try to find additional support - even if it's only temporary on your way to finding someone more permanent.
The grief will be with you for some time. It's really important to have someone who can support you through it. Trust me, I went through it myself.