@ ifthespiritmoves me: He was married for 25 years... He has yet to really take ownership of his own lot. Really, his problems are his problems, I'm trying to take ownership of mine and am just starting to try to learn about overcoming obsession. I guess awareness is the first step, not sure what to do next.
@Rose3: Yes, I've come to realize I have 3 options 1) leave him cold turkey 2) Stay, fret, suffer, hurt 3) Stay for the good times while living my life for myself and keeping my options open. Ideally, I would do #3, but find myself gravitating towards #2 involuntarily... Even if I do #1, which may happen sooner than later, I find I've always had this obsessiveness about the men in my life, so I feel I need to deal with it, otherwise it will always be part of the mix.
@hvert: see above
@misplaced_08: He hasn't really trampled me. He's been up front and honest. He has been very nice to me frequently. He's not a typical narcissist in the sense that he tries to undermine my sense of self or self esteem. Clearly he has issues, he is emotionally needy. But the bottom line is while "he loves me" he's not "in-love" with me. At this point, I'm trying to deal not with his problems, but with mine, the most pressing one is that I guess I'm emotionally needy too?? Not sure why I keep making him the center of my universe... trying to think more about my self and my needs. It's hard!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifthespiritmovesme
You deserve someone who wants to be with you. Right now, you are his "backup". He will keep searching for something he can never find. His putting people on pedestals is a defense mechanism. When they turn out to be simply human, he has an excuse to leave the relationship. Has he ever married? If not, at this point in his life, I can tell you he never will.
At any rate, I hope you can stop obsessing over him. His charm is only skin deep. Look for that peace you have when he's gone,and make it permanent.
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