Quote:
Originally Posted by ahdm
I've always had problems with food, ever since I started high school and was told someone 'saw my face on the cover of the world's ugliest person magazine'
Ever since then, I've never taken any food to eat at school/college, and I don't eat breakfast.
I always used to eat something when I came home, but now things are starting to change and I'm really scared
I don't want anyone to think I'm doing this for attention, as that's what others have said behind my back. Trust me, I'd eat anything and everything, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if I could.
I won't talk about numbers, as I know that can be triggering, but I've lost quite a bit of weight recently (15%), and I'm not skinny, I only just qualify for a 'healthy weight for my height'.
I don't eat anything until I get home at 5 every night. And even then, I'll only eat a few crackers, maybe a piece of toast, and a bit of fruit. Some nights I have a microwave meal, some nights I have nothing.
When I eat, I feel gross. Like I just want to spit the food out. After I've eaten, all I want to do is throw it back up and get it out of my system because it feels horrible inside and I feel full and sick and just generally depressed. I work out afterwards, but that feeling doesn't go away.
Recently, I also went on a 4-day fast, because I was just terrified of eating and putting weight on
I'm sorry for writing all of this, I just don't know what to do or where to turn, and I'm getting stressed out because of college work and therapy finishing soon and problems at home etc. I'm also very sorry if this sounds like I'm 'attention seeking' (tell me if it does?). I guess I was just wondering if there is any advice you can give me? How would I tell my T, if I should?
Thank you in advance for reading this, I am very grateful |
Hello adhm: Well, I certainly don't think you're attention seeking. And besides, even if you were... there's nothing wrong with getting a little attention when you need it! I don't have an eating related problem other than that I have to try not to go too far overboard... But here are my thoughts:
You mentioned therapy ending soon... may I ask why it's ending? It sounds to me as though you're still in need. It also sounds, from what you've written, like it is your therapist whom you should be calling right now.
Perhaps you need to consider becoming involved in some kind of eating disorders program. A person can't live on crackers! I don't know what is available where you live, of course. Here where I live there is an organization called The Emily Program or Foundation.
One thing that might help would be a group support kind of experience. I know I used to "poo-poo" such things myself. But once I finally got into a couple of group counseling situations I found them to be wonderfully supporting.
Anyway, those are my thoughts right off the top of my head. In addition to these ideas... keep posting here on PC! My bests wishes to you!
