No CUTTING... and NO DYING!!! You're in a downward spiral right now secretwhisper... you must do something to short-circuit it! If there's no friend you can call, call a hotline, or get yourself to a hospital emergency department. I know how dark thoughts can become when it's late & dark & you're alone (I'm assuming you are.) Let this become the night that you refuse to be carried down any further... I know there are many PC'ers here who would be glad to hug you until you feel better!