SI Daily Check In

Just started experimenting with alcohol, have never gotten drunk before but if I do, scared that I'll end up cutting under the influence, or replacing one coping mechanism with another.

- AJ

Struggling with strong urges right now...trying to distract, but nothing's working and I feel like skills I've learned are just distractions and I'm sick of it.

Struggling with urges. But trying to at least go one day without SI.

No urges

I'd early this morning. ..and its getting worse/having a harder time controlling how much I cut.

"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"

Had a really bad day today - stressful morning, clients yelling at me, not because of me but because of their health concerns, & then made a massive mistake at work this afternoon. Going to take me weeks to fix

Really struggling this afternoon It's times like this I just want to give in again. Hanging in there - but just.

A few days ago I was so so tempted to relapse - but didn't! - but today the urges haven't been bad whatsoever. Over 2 months self-harm free now!

Haven't done anything serious in several years now... just small inconsequential stuff every day. I have permanent physical problems related to the more serious stuff I used to do. Fear of making this even worse than it is now, keeps me from doing it again. The urge is still there though.

My dreams either relate to SI in someway or suicide. I am having strong urges to cut. But I'm giving it all I've got to refrain from doing so. It's not much. But at least I'm trying.

I threw away my stash. The things I used to self harm. It feels somewhat liberating. I tossed them the same day the trash ran so I couldn't change my mind. This is a big step for me. A huge step. And I'm not afraid to admit that I am proud of myself because of it.

Three cheers plus two thumbs up!

It's getting harder to control the urges and it's only been two days since I last SI'd. Plus the suicidal dreams and my irregular sleeping patterns aren't making anything any easier. How am I supposed to cope for at least two months without any therapy? I seem to be getting worse each day. Thank goodness I have my doctors appointment tomorrow. I think she'll need to know how much I'm struggling to cope while on the waiting list.

I'm in bed. I have to be. Otherwise I'll cut. I just have to make myself not get up and let myself sleep.

I want to do it to deal with some tough news that I received. I don't know how to handle it.

Memo

From: The Skeezyks

To: Scout7, Mazing, StarStrike, Secretwhisper, Smmath, all other cutters / self-harmers

NO CUTTING!!! The Skeezyks hereby orders everyone to dispose of all cutting tools and STOP THE SELF-HARM! Thank you!

better day.............. looks like zero SH today

I SI'd this morning after I got frustrated with myself because I was pacing while on the phone. Curse my infernal nervousness while talking on the phone.Then after all of this mess with my dad a had a mental breakdown and the urges came back again. But I really am fighting it.

I cut again earlier...but I just threw out all my razor blades I use to cut with. ..

"I need a drop of grace to carry me today"

I keep having mental images of SI... Worse than I've actually done. It's tempting, but if I did what happened in those mental images, I'd end up in the back of an ambulance and I don't want attention to be drawn to me. It's why I only harm myself where others cannot see.

I am in a bad place. A really bad place. I need to cut so that I survive this...

secretwhisper: DO NOT CUT!!! Do something else that you love to do until the urge passes, call a hotline number, get with a trusted friend or relative, post what's troubling you, PM a PC friend. I believe you can find another way out...

....

I'm drinking a fair bit tonight. I know this doesn't help, yet I insist on it anyway. It's late here now so no friends. I need to let them sleep. Part of me really is sure that I need to die.... Thats why I want to cut. I guess my new meds really aren't working

I have a mild urge to harm myself tonight... the reason: tomorrow is my first session with my T since I cut myself for the first time in years last thursday. I know I will have to tell her, as I put it on my diary card. I'm a bit worried about her reaction...

No CUTTING... and NO DYING!!! You're in a downward spiral right now secretwhisper... you must do something to short-circuit it! If there's no friend you can call, call a hotline, or get yourself to a hospital emergency department. I know how dark thoughts can become when it's late & dark & you're alone (I'm assuming you are.) Let this become the night that you refuse to be carried down any further... I know there are many PC'ers here who would be glad to hug you until you feel better!

There is a hotline I've contacted before, if I feel really unsafe I'll call them again. I promise. i want to die, but I don't. I know that I can't, not really. So I will do what I can to stay safe.