I'm not really sure which category this would go in...

So I have never really been close to my mom. Let me rephrase this: it's impossible for me to be close to her. I know she hates my guts and would disown me if it were legal. She's always saying in my face that she loves my younger brother more, how she wants me to leave the house as soon as I turn 18, and that I'm just a useless piece of junk. I really don't know. Its not like I get into trouble or do anything bad. I tried very hard to please her many times, like how I worked very hard to go from 70s to 90s in school, buy everything with my own money, get achievements in arts and sports. But all of this would just make her momentarily happy before she begins picking at my flaws again. I really can't stand it.

I had to leave the house on several occasions (since she technically bought the house so it was hers) and she couldn't stand seeing me there. I'm not as good as some other people on earth and my personality is apparently horrible.

We don't have very good communication, and every argument is left hanging. She never apologizes (neither do I, thought, since that would maker her think that everything really was all my fault). Whenever I mention it, we would start arguing all over again. She claims that I have "issues" like anxiety, antisocial, depression or who knows what else exists. Which is the complete opposite of what all my friends would say about me.

My parents don't get along that well either. They're always fighting (mainly over me). My dad usually supports my decisions, while my mom would say that it's spoiling me and stuff. They won't really consider divorce since it would be a "bad influence" on my brother. To be honest, I'm starting to think that it'd be better for them to separate. Even I can't stand having my little brother listen to the yelling all the time. Recently, it's been arguments over what future career I want to do. Key words: what I want to do. But of course, I don't get much say in it. It's really stupid.

I'm going to move out as soon as I turn 16 in a few months. I really can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'd go insane if I continue staying here. I also would like to stop causing trouble for the rest of my family. Also, my moms anger issues seem to be rubbing off on me and I really hate it. I seriously don't know what else to do anymore. I don't talk to my friends about it since its taken me everything to maintain an image of a bubbly, carefree, positive character. I know I'm going to start crying if I ever mention it. I really don't know what to do. I feel everything is my fault, and I think things in my family will be resolved if I leave. I'm really starting to doubt whether or not I actually have the disorders that my mom says, and I'm doubting myself in general. I really really don't know what to think or do anymore.

Sorry if you just had to read my entire rant. I guess I just had to get it out there instead of containing my feeling all the time. Anyways, thanks.