I really don't know what to do anymore...

I'm not really sure which category this would go in...

So I have never really been close to my mom. Let me rephrase this: it's impossible for me to be close to her. I know she hates my guts and would disown me if it were legal. She's always saying in my face that she loves my younger brother more, how she wants me to leave the house as soon as I turn 18, and that I'm just a useless piece of junk. I really don't know. Its not like I get into trouble or do anything bad. I tried very hard to please her many times, like how I worked very hard to go from 70s to 90s in school, buy everything with my own money, get achievements in arts and sports. But all of this would just make her momentarily happy before she begins picking at my flaws again. I really can't stand it.

I had to leave the house on several occasions (since she technically bought the house so it was hers) and she couldn't stand seeing me there. I'm not as good as some other people on earth and my personality is apparently horrible.

We don't have very good communication, and every argument is left hanging. She never apologizes (neither do I, thought, since that would maker her think that everything really was all my fault). Whenever I mention it, we would start arguing all over again. She claims that I have "issues" like anxiety, antisocial, depression or who knows what else exists. Which is the complete opposite of what all my friends would say about me.

My parents don't get along that well either. They're always fighting (mainly over me). My dad usually supports my decisions, while my mom would say that it's spoiling me and stuff. They won't really consider divorce since it would be a "bad influence" on my brother. To be honest, I'm starting to think that it'd be better for them to separate. Even I can't stand having my little brother listen to the yelling all the time. Recently, it's been arguments over what future career I want to do. Key words: what I want to do. But of course, I don't get much say in it. It's really stupid.

I'm going to move out as soon as I turn 16 in a few months. I really can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'd go insane if I continue staying here. I also would like to stop causing trouble for the rest of my family. Also, my moms anger issues seem to be rubbing off on me and I really hate it. I seriously don't know what else to do anymore. I don't talk to my friends about it since its taken me everything to maintain an image of a bubbly, carefree, positive character. I know I'm going to start crying if I ever mention it. I really don't know what to do. I feel everything is my fault, and I think things in my family will be resolved if I leave. I'm really starting to doubt whether or not I actually have the disorders that my mom says, and I'm doubting myself in general. I really really don't know what to think or do anymore.

Sorry if you just had to read my entire rant. I guess I just had to get it out there instead of containing my feeling all the time. Anyways, thanks.

That sounds like a really awful living situation. Does your father know that you plan to move out in a few months? Is there any chance that he would step up to the plate and support you to prevent that from happening?

From your post, it sounds like your mother is verbally and emotionally abusing you. And, yeah, I would doubt her diagnosis of all your 'issues' if she's the only person making those claims, instead of some kind of doctor.

Is there anyone you could talk to, like a counselor at school or teacher or some other adult you trust? Moving out at 16 is a big deal and discussing your options with someone else would probably be helpful. Some schools have resources for kids who have to leave abusive homes.

The problems in your family are not your fault. They aren't going to go away just because you leave. Your parents will find something else to fight about. They may even keep fighting about you, even if you are not there!

You may find it interesting to google 'golden child scapegoat.' I think you'll find some similarities to your own situation.

awsmnezz, so sorry for what you're going through.

Despite many challenges and difficulties, your post is full of many positives, your grades, your achievements, buying things with your own money, your friends, your spirit and positivity, and you analyzing your situation and speaking well and concisely for yourself. Adulthood is fast approaching and you soon won't be so dependent on your mother.

I recognize much of myself in your story, but wasn't so independent that I thought about leaving.

I later realized my parents were cruel to the children because THEY were very unhappy in the relationship. My mother was never happy with me because she was never happy-period. Your mom's "analysis" of your traits sounds utterly unreliable and clouded by her general unhappiness. I had a similar mom. If I had a do-over, I'd reject seeing myself through her jealous and clouded lens.

I hope you can minimize the space your mom takes in your brain. She's that unhappy women squawking in the distance and as much as possible best to turn down her volume. It's all the positives you talk about that will get you forward in the world. I don't say that as a hall pass to run rampant, but if you're doing well you can sort the real parenting--eat healthy, do your homework--from the garbage.

If I could talk to my 16-year-old self, I'd say "Look around for people who can help you!" Practically, I hope there are some smart and trusted adults in your life with whom you can help you find solutions over the next few years. Your dad, a special teacher, an aunt or uncle, a friend's parent, a friend of the family? I knew of high school kids who had unofficial adoptions, lived with someone else for their last years of school when a parent was incapable.

It's difficult. It's not fair that you have this problem this young. The mother you describe is an unhappy women, not up to the job. But sometimes if you look for them and ask, someone will appear to help. I know many special, accomplished adults who were forced to grow up too soon because of difficult circumstances. Ultimately it created their strong characters.

All the best.

Sadly some people in this world dont even know how to treat their own children. Maybe you should ask her why she is always belittling you and treating you like she doesn't care about you? It may lead to an argument but you may get answers it sounds like she is the one with issues. Maybe she doesn't want to stay with her husband so she has resentment and is taking it out on you. She sounds like she doesn't manage her anger well and cannot have a civilized discussion with you. Maybe if you wrote her a letter and asked her why she does these things to you, if you feel comfortable with that.
Tell your mom in letter that you will decide how you want to live your life, because you have to do what makes you happy and you have to do what you can so that you will like living with yourself. Write down your good qualities. Write down specific incidences where you show your good qualities. That will help you gain self esteem. We can not build our own outlook on ourselves based on the negative things people say. We have to cut our own paths in life. You shouldn't have to deal with such a stressful family living environment. It isn't easy growing up feeling like you have to impress everyone and be perfect in everything (similar expectations were put on me). Be you and stand proud knowing you're enough. Why should any of us be expected to do more than anyone else in humanity. If they think you have the ability to be perfect they must really think highly of your abilities considering no human CAN be perfect.

Just from what you outlined in your post, I immediately see that you have a lot on the ball. The problem seems to be your mom's and not yours, small consolation I know.

I think you should let your dad know that you are thinking of leaving home. I know that he will not want you to do this, and it could lead to him getting your mom help, which she is in desperate need of in my opinion.

I think that you should stay home at least until you try this proactive option. If you could stay until you graduate from high school, and you choose to go to college, this would give you the separation you desire. And if your mom is able to work out her problems, maybe the entire situation could be corrected and your home return to normal.

It sounds like your mom has mental health issues that are creating this toxic environment in your home. This can be remedied if she is able to admit that she needs help.

Good luck to you.

Thank you all so much for your replies, they really mean a lot to me. I've (almost) found myself a part-time job and everything. It's just that I don't have the heart to tell it to my dad, since he's the only one working right now and probably won't like my idea. I'm really trying to fix my relationship with my mom but it doesn't last more than a week. I don't want to give a very bad impression, since I am sure that my life is much better off comparing to others on earth. I guess I'm just emotionally weak and can't take much.

Maybe I should get therapy too? Just a thought.

Anyways, moving on to the more optimistic view, I am really thankful for all the support. I really don't think I would have made it this far in life without all the nice people.