I think I can understand you. I have been all my life trying to figer out what was wrong with me and one thing that I thought was I could never be depressed in my life because I imediatly forgot all the things and I was allways able to laughing. Well, I think I was depressed by those times and even before. I get used to live like this, few friends no interest at all, procastinating, just doing what others told me to do. It got worst so if at least I can manage to feel as the time I had 11 years old it's fine. It is my standard, I don't know what is to feel good. I don't know how it is to live like a person because the world around me always felt cloudy.
There is just one positive thing about me that keep me making living this life, or at least in the past, I dream a lot, I turn all the bad things in good things with my imagination. And no matter what I'm allways doing this. I start to hate it some years ago because I couldn't stop myself of doing that dispite I knew nothing of that would come true.
I'm not expecting to be and feel like a normal person and parehaps it will interfere with make future, as now. My focus is on be able to have a normal conversation without geting tired, not feeling tired everyday, and be able to read a book and get some of my memory and my thinking back. I know I would never be the person I dreamed my entire childhood and after that, but it is like baby steps. Finding something on the fog, living the day.