So if the depression never goes away?

I just can't focus on a goal of having it gone from my life, that seems useless and futile. So I guess the way I see it is its a matter of managing the depression...that is the only way I can see to deal with it. So yeah maybe it means I will have problems with it the rest of my life...but it can more or less be managed. I just laugh at the idea of a cure...because how do you cure a 24 year old from having no self esteem brought on by people constantly picking on you that certainly did not help my depression issues and yeah at this point I don't see myself totally recovoring though it seems many mental health people and such seem to think the focus should be on completely recovering....what about manging symptoms and that kind of thing instead of having pressure to make a full 'recovory'.

That's true. In my case as well, I don't think of my future really without it but rather with it being contained--which I figure is just fine as well. Because I feel like depression is the accumulation of a bunch of issues (so really it's difficult to deal with all of them), events happening that pull us down (most of which is unpredictable), and who knows what else. But I want to enjoy life again. And while I probably won't reach the same enthusiasm that I had as a kid that's fine as long as I have some sort of fun.

But yes, really what we all should do is focus on improvement. That's really more than enough Having high goals is great (sometimes) but the most important part is moving forward.

I cannot remember any time when I was enjoying life...perhaps when i was very young before I was old enough to go to school....but even then I was unhappy about my parents arguing all the time.

But yeah so I don't really have a sense of anything to go back to, its all a matter of dealing with how I feel now and moving on from that....but my past certainly cannot be erased except maybe through a ridiculous amount of ECT but I don't want an electrical lobotomy so no thanks.

Hmm. That is rather sad If it is of any consolation to you, you're definitely not alone in having parents that argued all the time. I remember not being able to sleep well past my bedtime because I could hear them all the way in the basement of our house yelling up a storm. Not exactly my favorite memories haha.

But yeah. No, life is all about the movement forward! Dealing with past issues and leaving them behind to help move into a better future! It's tough and rough and ugly especially for people like us with depression but I've heard it gets easier :P and hey I'll take it if it means I can control my life again instead of depression ruling over me with a giant fist. (A little baby fist would be much appreciated).

I wasn't struck with depression until I was 32. It has been with me most of the time since, except for a couple of hypomanic times. I really feel like they have tried everything but ECT, which I would turn down, because of the trouble I saw a friend go through with it. I expect to live with just different degrees of depression for the rest of my life. Right now I'm safe and that is the best I can hope for. I can still manage a "normal" life, at least, that's what other's see. So I'm satisfied.

hello darkness my old friend............ i've come to to talk to you again.........

I think I can understand you. I have been all my life trying to figer out what was wrong with me and one thing that I thought was I could never be depressed in my life because I imediatly forgot all the things and I was allways able to laughing. Well, I think I was depressed by those times and even before. I get used to live like this, few friends no interest at all, procastinating, just doing what others told me to do. It got worst so if at least I can manage to feel as the time I had 11 years old it's fine. It is my standard, I don't know what is to feel good. I don't know how it is to live like a person because the world around me always felt cloudy.
There is just one positive thing about me that keep me making living this life, or at least in the past, I dream a lot, I turn all the bad things in good things with my imagination. And no matter what I'm allways doing this. I start to hate it some years ago because I couldn't stop myself of doing that dispite I knew nothing of that would come true.
I'm not expecting to be and feel like a normal person and parehaps it will interfere with make future, as now. My focus is on be able to have a normal conversation without geting tired, not feeling tired everyday, and be able to read a book and get some of my memory and my thinking back. I know I would never be the person I dreamed my entire childhood and after that, but it is like baby steps. Finding something on the fog, living the day.

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