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Originally Posted by awsmnezz
I'm not really sure which category this would go in...
So I have never really been close to my mom. Let me rephrase this: it's impossible for me to be close to her. I know she hates my guts and would disown me if it were legal. She's always saying in my face that she loves my younger brother more, how she wants me to leave the house as soon as I turn 18, and that I'm just a useless piece of junk. I really don't know. Its not like I get into trouble or do anything bad. I tried very hard to please her many times, like how I worked very hard to go from 70s to 90s in school, buy everything with my own money, get achievements in arts and sports. But all of this would just make her momentarily happy before she begins picking at my flaws again. I really can't stand it.
I had to leave the house on several occasions (since she technically bought the house so it was hers) and she couldn't stand seeing me there. I'm not as good as some other people on earth and my personality is apparently horrible.
We don't have very good communication, and every argument is left hanging. She never apologizes (neither do I, thought, since that would maker her think that everything really was all my fault). Whenever I mention it, we would start arguing all over again. She claims that I have "issues" like anxiety, antisocial, depression or who knows what else exists. Which is the complete opposite of what all my friends would say about me.
My parents don't get along that well either. They're always fighting (mainly over me). My dad usually supports my decisions, while my mom would say that it's spoiling me and stuff. They won't really consider divorce since it would be a "bad influence" on my brother. To be honest, I'm starting to think that it'd be better for them to separate. Even I can't stand having my little brother listen to the yelling all the time. Recently, it's been arguments over what future career I want to do. Key words: what I want to do. But of course, I don't get much say in it. It's really stupid.
I'm going to move out as soon as I turn 16 in a few months. I really can't stand it anymore. I feel like I'd go insane if I continue staying here. I also would like to stop causing trouble for the rest of my family. Also, my moms anger issues seem to be rubbing off on me and I really hate it. I seriously don't know what else to do anymore. I don't talk to my friends about it since its taken me everything to maintain an image of a bubbly, carefree, positive character. I know I'm going to start crying if I ever mention it. I really don't know what to do. I feel everything is my fault, and I think things in my family will be resolved if I leave. I'm really starting to doubt whether or not I actually have the disorders that my mom says, and I'm doubting myself in general. I really really don't know what to think or do anymore.
Sorry if you just had to read my entire rant. I guess I just had to get it out there instead of containing my feeling all the time. Anyways, thanks.
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Sadly some people in this world dont even know how to treat their own children. Maybe you should ask her why she is always belittling you and treating you like she doesn't care about you? It may lead to an argument but you may get answers it sounds like she is the one with issues. Maybe she doesn't want to stay with her husband so she has resentment and is taking it out on you. She sounds like she doesn't manage her anger well and cannot have a civilized discussion with you. Maybe if you wrote her a letter and asked her why she does these things to you, if you feel comfortable with that.
Tell your mom in letter that you will decide how you want to live your life, because you have to do what makes you happy and you have to do what you can so that you will like living with yourself. Write down your good qualities. Write down specific incidences where you show your good qualities. That will help you gain self esteem. We can not build our own outlook on ourselves based on the negative things people say. We have to cut our own paths in life. You shouldn't have to deal with such a stressful family living environment. It isn't easy growing up feeling like you have to impress everyone and be perfect in everything (similar expectations were put on me). Be you and stand proud knowing you're enough. Why should any of us be expected to do more than anyone else in humanity. If they think you have the ability to be perfect they must really think highly of your abilities considering no human CAN be perfect.